As we approach the final leg of quarter 3 (Q3) I thought I reflect on this ending quarter. So much had happened and yet I feel that I have little to show for it apart from a bad hair day (e' day) and pieces of my (scattered) and rarely seen self respect. When July started I had made a decision to start making goals which I mostly achieved. I had made decisions in other parts of my life too but disappointed to say I didn't stick to them. The decisions I didn't fulfil is what took away all the self respect I thought I harboured. People have come into my life, taken a p*** and at the same time take my good nature and good will for granted and took me for a fool. I have been brought up to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, respect them and care for them like family. But it looks like not everyone was raised that way just me and my siblings and probably half the world. I am sick and tired of being "ok" with the lies, hurt, disappointment and lack of trust. I don't like to lie or appreciate being lied to because I think its wrong and despicable.
Going back to reflecting....
July is my birth month and my blogaversary month, I love having these two special things to celebrate. I looked back at my birthday last year and my first day blogging, last year was so special but this year was even more so. Remember my birthday wishlist where I talked about wanting to go to Paris for my birthday weekend? well that didn't happen because I got to spend all day shopping and running around with my nephew, my parents and siblings. I could not have asked for more and this trumps Paris anytime. My blogaversary was a bit calmer and collected, I was fortunate enough to pair up with some lovely bloggers who supported me and I am so grateful. After my birthday and blogaversary I started to feel a bit overwhelmed with everything and blogging slowly started to take a back seat.
When August came along I was far into this "Don't feel like blogging" phase that to even get a post up was more struggle than I had the courage. I was also very scared at this point that maybe I am losing my passion and love for blogging. It is one thing to have writer's block or needing some space from the blogging world but its another to start feeling like blogging is a chore and no long fun and a hobby. I felt all these things but as you can see it is yet to shut me down completely from blogging. Reflecting on this month of august has been hard because so many "not so nice" things have happened but I will keep my chin up and walk the walk proudly. Sometimes I feel like questioning the people who seem to think I am stronger than I look/feel/know, because sometimes I just wanna be weak just for a moment.
What do I want to see happen in September and what do I want to talk about in my next quarter reflection? I have so many questions, so many ideas, so many plans but the one thing I want first and foremost is an internal peace. I just want the voices to quite down a moment and let me just be me and not think of how many people I need to help, should do things for, am expected to do/be etc. I don't want to have to wear the face so no one sees the hurt, the tiredness or the black under eyes from lack of sleep. I want peace for me, for my family, for my friends and for the world.
I apologies for the sad post but my soul felt like pouring it out, I have never been one to keep it bottled up for too long it suffocates me.
Don't apologise for anything you write on your blog, it's your little space :) Im sorry to hear that august wasn't a nice month for you :( but at least it's nearly over, and you can use september as a new start! I wish you all the best and are able to be yourself, and have some time to yourself :) take care!! x
ReplyDeleteThank you I appreciate that.
DeleteI love this post but cant believe how fast the year is going! x
ReplyDeleteI can't believe it either
DeleteIt is good to vent, I totally understand and hope you find your groove. We all go through phases :) xx
ReplyDeleteThanks Norah, I appreciate that
DeleteLove this post, and it's always good to just let your mind and heart flow into the computer. :)
ReplyDeleteI agree iris I think I needed it out
DeleteI think everyone goes through blogging phases where they don't want to blog. That's when it definitely helps to have posts that are scheduled way in advance to give yourself a break (something i've been trying to get myself to do for the past year.. but it can def be tough). i've also realized there are many ways people are the same and many ways people are all different.. the way they process things.. the way they were brought up. i have a hard time trusting people, too.. and i'm sorry you had to deal with people who have taken you for granted. i'm super skeptical so i avoid most people at all costs, but i'm trying to change my mindset to be more open and realize everyone has issues.. and that hurt people always hurt people.
ReplyDeleteThank you Esther, this is really encouraging for me. I have been trying to get back to my pits scheduling too but it's hard.
DeleteLove a true, honest post! Don't apologize for your feelings!
ReplyDeleteThank you xox
DeleteI get bloggers-block quite frequently, and I find that it helps to have some generic posts pre-written to go live when those sorts of things happen. Or, when you go on vacation. <3
ReplyDeleteIt's so important to go out + live your life, your blog will always be here when you get back!
ReplyDeleteBloggers-block happens a lot, even to veteran bloggers. Definitely do not be sorry about what you write on your blog, either!
ReplyDelete*hugs* Never apologize for what you write in your space ♥ I hope September is good to you!
ReplyDeleteI think we all need a little bit more internal peace. Hoping the color change fall brings also brings your new inspirations! =)
ReplyDeleteLove the honesty of this post -- life isn't perfect and venting is okay...it's real. I hope the last few month of the year treat you well!
ReplyDeleteWow, as a blogger of only four months, I like to hear the honesty in veteran bloggers. You guys make it seem so easy so I am always wondering what I need to do. Thank you for your honesty in sharing that it can be a struggle at times, or that it's not the only thing you want to do at that moment. No need to apologize for what you write though, this is your domain.
ReplyDeleteThrifting Diva
www.thriftingdiva.com
Don't apologize for sharing your stuff in your space. If this is where you let it all out then let this be your therapy, ya know. :)
ReplyDeleteYou should always be open and honest!
ReplyDeleteNever apologize for feeling anything! This is your space to share your soul :) We all have our different phases that we go through in life, especially with blogging. I've gone through multiple blogs, multiple types of writing, various schedules, etc - it's always evolving!
ReplyDeleteI totally feel you pain and actually read a remarkably similar post recently. People have a habit of letting others down and I've been walked over in the past few weeks too.
ReplyDeleteYou know what though, because we're strong we pick ourselves back up again and walk away from them!
Katie <3
I've gone through the same "sick of blogging" thing and I'm relatively new. I hate that feeling, but thankfully I started feeling enthusiastic again. Sometimes it can be overwhelming. I had a toxic friendship lately that left me feeling in the dumps so it affected my blogging.
ReplyDeleteNo need to apologize! Life is tough stuff. Hang in there! Reflecting is so important to move forward. XO
ReplyDeleteIt's healthy to want to take a breather. I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts. September is a new month and a fresh start.
ReplyDeleteThere is no need to apologize we all go through things in life where we hit rough patches. In my first year of blogging I had to step away for a few months because of things going on in life. I waited till I got to a better place and came back into blogging in a better place. Take care of yourself and do what feels right for you.
ReplyDeleteyou never need to apologize or justify where you are at with things. It is all you! Enjoy it.
ReplyDeleteIt's your blog, so I think you do what you need to do. :)
ReplyDeleteAw, sorry you've had some rough stuff happen. No need to apologize, it's refreshing to hear people talk about what's really happening in their world! Hope things improve and you get your blog mojo back soon. :)
ReplyDeleteVenting is good for the soul - seriously. Sorry you're going through a hard time :(
ReplyDeleteThere's always next quarte
ReplyDeletei couldn't agree more with that quote!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad that you found your blogging mojo again. Great post!
ReplyDeleteHappy belated birthday and blogaversary! I wish you a great amount of tranquility and happiness not just in the coming month, but for a very long time.
ReplyDeleteGreat reflection! I can't believe it's already almost September!!
ReplyDeleteI guess all we can ever really hope for is internal peace, it's very hard to achieve but I'm sure it's worth it when it comes around. I hope you find it, but before you do, let your blog be your haven, your sanctuary, so feel no need to apologise :)
ReplyDeletei always have a moment of where i want my blog to go or be, but then i realize its my space & its for me; having people love it too is just extra sprinkles on the cake :)
ReplyDeletei agree its my space and having lovely readers helps
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