Personal Confessions: Moving Forward ~ Embracing the unknown

2015 is almost upon us and so many of us have started making plans/resolutions/goals for the new year and the promises it holds. No one apart from God knows what will happen as we enter 2015, I remember entering 2014 as I did every year for the last 6 years with a champagne toast after counting down to the start of the New Year in London under the most magnificent firework display. Little did I know that 5 days entering the New Year I would lose my Job and 20 days into the New Year I would get another one which looking at it now is much better than the one before. How could I have known that 3 days into this wonderful new role I would be faced with the most distressing news that would end up turning my life upside down and making me question if anything in my life was ever real or just hocus pocus? I hadn't had the chance to get over this shock then to be informed a mere few days that I should be the bearer of good news for the third party whilst I slowly die. 2014 was unforgiving, it did not only rob us of one family member but 4 because it had to balance this planet somehow, recovering from it seemed impossible even too far fetched. Yes my 2014 sucked and yes I would love nothing more than to have the best 2015 but as history has taught me I do not know what the future holds. I am afraid to see the 5th of January again, I am dead scared to reach the 19th of February again because these two dates proved fatal for me this ending year. I sit and wonder how this year paralyzed me in more ways than one, I sit and wonder what in God's name did I do to karma to be sent such a blow not only to my mental state but to my emotional state too - Karma is indeed a bitch.

2015 here we come with the new #attitude but same old me

A photo posted by A July Dreamer (@myrabev) on Dec 12, 2014 at 11:52pm PST

Now that the worst of the worst for 2014 is off my chest let me share why I am happy still with my life. I lost one job and gained one so much better, I sit and think about the circumstances of how I lost my previous job and think wow trusting some people is reason for my downfall. I have always been someone who gives you the benefit of the doubt instead of putting my guard up I have it down until its too late and when I do have them up I apologise but for you they will never be down in your presence ever again. I do not want to be that person who is always doubting people and wasting energy instead I prefer to believe in someone until they prove me wrong. With all the bad that happened in 2014, it seems almost all brought me joy and maybe even the ones I am yet to see the joy there is joy in not knowing. I have been able to do so many things that I thought impossible and in my loneliest hours I have found the courage to cry the pain out and embrace the unknown. I have a firm belief that nothing happens without a reason and even though for some things in my life I am yet to understand the reason or the reason is there and I refuse to see it I know it's all for the best. I pray and pray until I can pray no more but I know deep down it was meant to be like this. Life throws us so many obstacles and it's up to us how we handle them. I do not know if how I am handling the obstacles in my life the correct way but I do know and believe the lord wouldn't allow for me to be in a situation he fully knew I couldn't handle. So I know whatever happens in my life I can handle and if I feel that I can not I can always cry to the lord for his guidance and his right arm on my back to help me up and move on forward.

2015 is still a scary year for me as I do not know how it will start but I do know if possible I want to be in the house of the lord early morning just like I would like to be in the house of the lord to close the year this Wednesday evening. My faith and my trust in the almighty is what has helped me to reach thus far, I have had countless opportunities throughout 2014 that I do not think I would have been able to have on my own, both in my personal life and in my blogging world. I want to leave you with this message 'all is possible in the lord, even impossible says I'm possible'. Happy Holidays and blessings for the New Year