Personal Confessions ~ Finding the good in goodbye

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The first time I heard Beyonce sing 'Thank God I found the good in goodbye' I didn't really get it until I sat down and thought about it and what that meant to me. There are so many things in this life that we always wanted to hold onto and some of it is not even good for us but we are so scared of saying goodbye we decide it's better to have or keep that than to say goodbye. Why? Because it is what we know, it is comfortable and at least for the time being we know what it is and mostly it's future we have an idea. It's like the good old saying "Better the devil you know than the devil you don't".

I am a hoarder by nature, I really do not like throwing away my things but I am also not the obsessive kind. There things I am just like ok that can go but there are somethings that no matter what I want to keep it. I think I have two old pair of jeans that are size 8 that my mind keeps telling me I will one day go back to size 8 so I will need them (I wish). I have letters from my first ever boyfriend, I have little presents from all my past relationships that I keep in a box and find it hard to even consider throwing but never even look at. 

There are so many things I do not want to let go of, I want to keep it all but I have now learn't the good in goodbye. I never thought I would, be it in my personal life or my life in general and I am quite proud of myself. I feel like I have arrived at a certain point in my life where tagging on anything that is not contributing to my happiness, my well being and my plans for the future is not something I want to keep a hold of. I have looked at what I always wanted, what sometimes I feel like I am missing and things which in the over scheme of things are nothing.

My new hairdresser recently told me, do not worry about tomorrow because tomorrow is not your concern today is. Do not live for tomorrow for tomorrow has it's own plan, today is an opportunity to do something new, to change something and to challenge something. It is not a day to sit and wonder what tomorrow looks like for tomorrow may not have a plan for you.

I wish you all a wonderful weekend and remember do it all today for tomorrow is not guaranteed.

*** source unknown

Top 5 Friday

Happy Friday everyone, don't you just love overnight oats? I made this last night for my breakfast this morning and it was super yummy. Sorry again, this blog is suffering a lot these day but I am happy to blog when I can since life has become so hectic. I guess this is what they meant when they told me everyone has responsibilities ecetera ecetera.

For this week's Top 5 Friday I will be sharing what has happened and what will be happening, so without further adieu.

Hen Do - Tomorrow we are heading to Village St David's Resort near Chester for the weekend where we have booked the spa for the day. I can not wait to be there, I have never been to a spa before nor have I ever been to a Hen Do either this will be my first for both occasions.

House Move - Next week Wednesday I will be moving into my new apartment, I am so excited but I have no furniture nor food so Wednesday night will be an interesting one. 

Wedding and Bank Holiday - The company I work for have given us next week Friday off so we get a long weekend since the following Monday is a bank holiday. To make matters even better the long bank holiday weekend is my Brother's Wedding so everything awesome is happening then.

Trip to Korea - I returned from my trip to Korea last week and I loved you so much. You can read my Day 0 and Day 1 from my main blog A July Dreamer. I am planning to go back this July as I need to explore more of this wonderful country. It was never my number one choice for Touring but now that I have been I can not wait to go back.

Blogger support Facebook Group - The blogger support group I run Lovely Bloggers is inviting all bloggers to come join us. We run weekly follow links and daily comment threads. All bloggers are welcome, the more the merrier.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend.

Personal Confession ~ The 200th Post

 

For the last 2 weeks I have been trying to think of a creative way to write this post, trying to think of what to write and how to share this huge milestone with you all and I honestly came up blank so bear with me as I am going with the flow. Where and how do you share the excitement of reaching 200 posts? When I made the decision to start this blog (my 2^nd blog mind you) I honestly did not know what I was doing and how much work I was going to put into this blog. Managing two blogs have never been a problem for me but it has not been easy either, because when I am having motivational issues to blog it's not only one blog being affected it is two and that sometimes gets to me even though I know I am only human and this is bound to happen.

Most of my readers on this blog will know lately my posts have been far and in between ever since 2015 started. I did contemplate deleting this blog and I think that was my lowest point this year because I enjoy blogging and I treasure both my blogs. Part of the reason for wanting to delete this blog was because I found myself comparing my blogs to other people's blog which I think is not fair on myself nor on other bloggers. It is never fair to compare my beginning to someone else's middle as that is cause for internal turmoil especially if your blog is not as successful as another person's blog. Yes we started at the same time for some and they are doing so much better than me, which is fine because how much work I put into this blog cannot compare to another person's blog and vice versa is true. For me blogging is done on a part-time basis and definitely a hobby but someone else that might not be the case. I am human and this I am sure will continue to happen long before I find a solution to accepting it all come what may. One piece of advice I have for myself and fellow bloggers in the same situation (or any life situation) as me on comparing your beginning to someone else's middle is that "Check yourself before you wreck yourself". What I want to focus on is appreciating that another person has done better than me, congratulating them (even if it's just in my head) and then acknowledging that I am not there yet. I want to use their success as motivation for me to achieve what I want to achieve but I also need to learn when to accept the situation and leave as is because honestly how I define success is not the same as the next person.

If I was to be honest to myself and the world is that I am pretty successful as I am right now, I am at the best that I can be so far in life. Yes there are things that I do not yet have and which I had but I also know that I have so much already both which I can see and that which I cannot see yet. My definition of success blogwise is being able to manage my blogs the way I have been doing it for almost two years now and not giving up that is success. What is my next goal, well it's no secret that I would like to one day earn something resembling a salary from my blogs but that is a 'life time goal' than my next to achieve goal. So many things have to happen before I can reach that life time goal but in the mean time I can do small actions that will move me towards that goal. Success to me is being able to manage the blogger support group The Lovely Bloggers on Facebook with my blogger friend Jemma of celery and cupcakes and in a short span of time having such active members. Being successful is being alive and healthy to enjoy all the goodness and even the bad that this world has to offer and remembering to be thankful to the powers that be for all of it. Being successful for me is not living without regrets but living with the knowledge that you did not give up, you gave it your all and maybe your all is not enough but that knowledge of having attempted is for me is success.

I will not claim to have figured success out be it blogwise or life in general but I am sharing what it means to me and how I look at it all. Being true to myself is a number one priority, keeping it real is my motto and never giving up is my motivation. Life will always throw us curve balls, but it is how we deal with them that define our success.

Happy 200^th post to me.

Top FIVE (5) FRIDAY

Hi there and welcome to my almost ghost town of a blog, I can not believe how much I have missed posting on this blog; but running two blogs (A July Dreamer) and this blog has certainly started to take it's toll on me. I am so tired every day and when I have enough energy to blog I am doing more for A July Dreamer than on here. I can not wait to take a few days to another country to explore and mostly to relax and take a sit back on life. Today's Top 5 Friday is just things that have happened in the last few months as well as this ending week, so without further adieu.

1. I finally got my passport on Tuesday, my father text me to say my passport had arrived and I couldn't be more happy. In January I made a decision that would later change my life, I did not know if I would be successful with it or not and this week I know it was the right decision.

2. Since my passport is here now I managed to book my ticket to Seoul, Korea and I flight now in 10 days. I am so excited so very happy, life has been getting in the way of me enjoying things and this holiday is to change that. I will try to document as much as I can but mostly follow my instagram to see on the day updates.

3. Another one of the decisions I made in January was to find my own place to live either to rent or buy but the current financial woe didn't permit me to buy so I am renting instead but nonetheless this will be my very own place and first apartment. I am beyond excited and I can't stop pinching myself thinking I am dreaming.

4. I managed to get the dates I want to visit Zambia reserved, I am happy about this because I get to see my extended family again this year. I have decided (God willing) to make my visits to my motherland yearly so fingers crossed I find a reasonably priced ticket.

5. In 5 short weeks my brother is getting married, I am so happy and so excited about this. Normally my culture dictates that as the eldest I do everything first including getting married but I am far from it and I am happy my brother (head of our family) is getting married first. This is the first wedding in my family so we are over the moon. Now I just have to find a dress that says she is the sister of the groom..hahaha.. just kidding a beautiful dress is all I need.

So that's my Top 5 Friday.

How has your week or even last 3 months been?

Personal Confession ~ To know or not to know

Lately I have been pondering to myself about life and how things as you grow and develop start to either make sense or get more complicated. I have been questioning whether it is better to know something is wrong or not.

........Let me give you an example......

Is it better to know you have a disease that will eventually kill you or is it better not to know so you can go on and enjoy your life? Because I am one of those people who once I know it brings me down a 100 fold and getting back to my joyous self becomes tough and tortuous.

  I have always said that for me ignorance is bliss but lately I have found myself questioning if that is still true. One might argue that once you know then you can do something about it, take precaution or start treatment but there is another side to knowing it depresses people and for most the depression is stronger than the need to take precautions or start treatment.

**

One might say it is best not to know as not to tip the equilibrium and continue on living as if you will live forever. Though one might think this is ill advised sometimes I feel like this is an approach I want to undertake for my sanity's sake. 

A couple days ago I stumbled across something I am wishing I didn't know and would give my right arm to forget but that won't be happening I know it already and now I am wondering if I should get involved or stay out of it and pretend I know nothing. The internal conflict is so strong that I have resorted to documenting it here as most times when I share things on here I get clarity that I don't usually see when alone in my thoughts. 

What would be your approach, to ignore or to disturb? 

**image source

Top FIVE (5) Friday

Hi there! It's been a while and this place is slowing turning into a ghost town, life is pretty hectic these days that when weekends come I just want (and usually do) lazy all day and do nothing apart from the occasional date nights at Sizz All with Boo. The last Top 5 Friday was month exactly today, I mentioned that I had had some awesome things happen that I wanted to keep to myself for a while and then share on here later on, well the wait is over as 'Later on' is today. So without further adieu...

1. Lovely Letters February Swap  - Last month I participated in the lovely letters snail mail and I was partnered with Uche a blogger in the states. I recently got the parcel she sent me and I could not believe my eyes. I absolutely fell in love with The Little Book of Love she sent me along with the chopsticks which have an awesome design as well as a beautiful purse and card. 

   

   TML

2. Citizenship - Last month I attended my citizenship ceremony accompanied by my parents. As part of my goals for this year I decided to give up my Zed citizenship and become British since Zed does not do dual nationality. It was emotional time but an awesome one too.
3. New Home - I have talked about my desire to have my own apartment, I am now tired of house share and just want my own place. The prices are not making it easy but I am taking the plunge fingers crossed I get the one I want.
   
4. 30 Before 30 Bucketlist - Last week on A July Dreamer I shared with you my part 1 (Travel Edit) of my 30 before 30 bucket list, I shared 15 places I want to visit before I turn 30. Today on the main blog I am sharing 15 things I want to do before I hit 30, I have called it the Life Edit.
   
5. The Lovely Bloggers Facebook group - almost a year ago I decided to start a facebook group with a fellow blogger to try bring together blogger who lived in a certain area. I did not do much after that until recently after doing my Blogger DIY posts I got good feedback and decided to change the parameters of the group and renamed it to The Lovely bloggers. We now have almost a 100 members which is awesome for me and the interaction in the group is awesome. Come join us and be part of our blogger support group. The group has daily comment and fb like thread and weekly follow 4 follow threads plus on Thursday we run a clarity day where we offer fellow bloggers who want it advice on their blog.

Wishing you all an awesome Friday and weekend.

Sunday Catch-up

Jamie's Italian restaurant oxford - Bacon & Liver

Pineapple & Frozen yoghurt dessert

Over the weekend I manage to meet up with my blogger Friend Jemma, I always love our meet ups and now that she has her lovely son Aiden its even better. He's so cute and such a lovely baby boy, his smile is so infectious I can't help but smile when I see them.

I telling Jemma how I seem to have lost my mojo when it comes to blogging. Previously I used to schedule posts 2-4 weeks in advance all written up and ready. I used to spend one weekend a month just planning our each day and scheduling for the days when I knew I wanted a specific post up and at times have two posts in one day, but now, you will be lucky to get two posts a week out of me. I am thinking of taking a couple of days off to recharge and maybe look for inspiration then. Do not get me wrong I do have ideas of what I want to write, the trouble comes when I actually have to start the post.

 In the past I used to write a post before I even had pictures now I seem to see a picture and have an idea of a post for it and if I am determined I do write the post there and then but lately I can have the picture and still not able to write a word. I need to find my way back to my love of blogging, I need to go back to my basics and realise again why I love blogging so much. So in the mean time I will share my currently post whilst I try to work on the future of my blogs.

Reading.. I have not read anything in over 3 months, I have read one book this year and those I am unhappy about this I do not seem to have the urge to find and read a new book.
Watching... I literally had to change the channel on the TV as I have no idea what was going on but funny thing happened - this morning I had the urge to watch Tangled then found its not on Netflix yet so they suggested my all time favourite which is Mulan. I watched Mulan this morning and this afternoon on channel 5 they showed Mulan the exact one I saw this morning so I just watched and started watching it again.
Listening... When I finished work on Friday I started listening to 'Lay you down' by Usher and the song is still stuck in my mind this instant. I have loved this long for the longest time, my former housemate can testify to it. I played it daily on repeat that she ended up hating it lol.
Wishing.. For so many things which I will not share yet but I will do one day.
Hoping... I hope Boo travels safely tomorrow, I am starting to hate the business trips but then again I love it when I get to go on mine.
Trusting... That all is handled as it should.
Planning... My next holiday abroad.

Until next time, have a lovely Sunday.

Top 5 Friday

Hi there and welcome to the Top 5 Friday, its been a while since I did this type of post but today I thought I crack one out. The last couple of weeks have been absolutely awesome, if memory serves me right this is the best start to the year I have had in a long time and I am so thankful. As always I will list 5 items I have been itching to talk about or want to share this week so without further adieu. 

5. 50 Shades of Grey ~ I think it's about time I shared with y'all my view of 50 shades of grey especially with the movie having come out already. Before I read the 3 books I had heard so many stories about how erotic it was and basically a porn book. I was both intrigued and confused because no one person who read the books could give you a straight answer everyone had their own interpretation. So I embarked on the journey that is 50 shades of grey and I was quite taken in by the first book until someone told me there were two more books to go, I was excited to see what more the author can add in and hoping the grammar and spelling will improve in book two and three. To my disappointment it did not felt like it was getting worse. Book one told you a story of two people in love and each with different life issues. Yes there was a lot of sex descriptions which your mamma should not catch you reading but compared to the French erotica books I had read that was nothing. I love Ana and could relate to how she felt in some parts of the book and Christian was overall your kind of guy 'good in bed' but the mummy issues he came with he can keep thank you. Books 2 and 3 well I remember the violence and the escape from death for Christian other than that not much. If someone ever wanted to read the books I would encourage them to read the epilogue in book three then read the books from the beginning, as its the only part of the book not completely filled with grammatical errors and actually is from Christian's point of view.

4. Kingsman - This movie was fun from start to finish, a friend of mine and I went to see it this week and we were definitely not disappointed. It definitely gave James Bond and Jason Bourne a run for their money. I loved the London chav humour, the posh-'toots' added in for good measure and Colin Firth (forever my Mr Darcy) was absolutely on point throughout the movie, his character was well played, so easy to like and absolutely loved the suits. There is nothing like a well tailored English gentleman suit, I am sure they are many to dispute this but that was my opinion. I think everyone should go watch this movie.

3. Rewards - This week has been full of rewards both blogging and work which has been absolutely uplifting and very encouraging, I am literally on the excitement high and I do not want to come back down. I will share more next week this week I just want to be selfish and enjoy it myself.

2. Hemingway Quote ~ During the movie Kingsman: The Secret Service, Colin Firth's character quoted Hemingway, I had never heard of the quote before but it stuck and now me and my friend are quoting it every time we remember which for me now is daily

1. Family - For me the most important thing in my life is family above all else, I have committed my family to God and I am eternally grateful for the everyday blessings we receive, just being alive is a blessing enough. The air we breath is a blessing we do not see it but we know its there and we utilise it, same with God we do not see him directly but we know he's there and we feel his presence be it in out friends, neighbours or even just ourselves.

These are my Top 5 Friday, what do you have on your list? Have a blessed weekend.

Bon Voyage Twenty Fourteen

I am sure there are a lot of us who are ready to see the back of 2014 and embrace the unknown in 2015. I have shared and sounded like a broken ready on this blog how crap 2014 was for me but also in the crapness of it all I had some of the most wonderful times of my life. Those who ready my main blog A July Dreamer will know how fortunate as a blogger have been in terms of sponsorship for my blog and how this some how boosted my blogger confidence. Today as the year ends I wanted to take some time and reflect on the wonderful things that have happened on this blog too and share some of the most read posts on this blog. I also wanted to take the time to thank you my loyal readers and fellow bloggers and wanted to wish you all the best start to the New Year. I do not know what plans you have for the last day in 2014 nor the first day in 2015 all I know is I wish to be in the house of the lord on both occasions. I want to end this year by thanking the lord for every good and every bad that I have endured throughout this ending year because both the Good and the Bad have helped me develop into the person I am today. As I have always mentioned on this blog God would never allow for me to go through trials and tribulations he thought I could not handle, I believe everything that happens to me I can handle and when I feel like I can not I am only a whisper away from the Lord's helping hand.

To mark the end of this year I wanted to share some of the books have had the pleasure of reading, some meals I have had the pleasure of preparing and sharing with you. I also wanted to touch on some personal confessions I have had the courage to share with you.

• Books - Click to read my Book Reviews

• Meals - You can read up on some of the Recipes/Foods I have shared.

• Personal Confessions - These range from my struggle with Debt, relationship advice and motivational tips

2014 has been a trying year and those so many things weren't as I would have liked, I wouldn't change a thing because all that happened is connected be it good or bad.

I wish you all a pleasant ending to 2014 and an amazing start to 2015 and the rest of the year.

{Day 24} Day #13 Travels thus far

Hi there and welcome to you, if you knew here I hope you here to stay and occasional visits are welcome. As I mentioned in my 11 months ago post this year has been one long and hard year but it has also been a blessing in disguise and I have learnt so much about myself. One thing I did manage to do was quite a bit of travelling and not all extravagant but travelling nonetheless, I went abroad twice and within the UK twice so not bad compared to my once (actually twice but one don't count) within the UK last year and none abroad. This year was the year I wanted to prove to myself that I can do certain things and I do not need to depend on anyone to get it done (family excluded because no matter what I want to depend on them as much as they should depend on me). So what did I get upto this year apart from moving apartments 3 times this year?

January - March: minor trips in and around Oxford, Peterborough, Cambridge, Norwich and Bedford.

Me

Easter - I travelled back to my parents in cambridge (I do this almost every weekend) but this was extra special. We did so much together as a family and we even saw my brother and his family.

Summer (June) - My parents and I with my sister we went to Munich for a church convention which we also turned into a family vacation and stayed a couple days extra. This was fun, as I mentioned in my 11 months ago post we had not had a family vacation together (though bro was missing) in over 15 years but saying that we did manage to go to Stirling in Scotland (again bro missing).

Mummy, little sister, Daddy and I

My parents and I

August - A couple of friends and I managed to head up to Sheffield where we stayed and managed to party in Leeds two nights straight. Drinking was no joke and my liver suffered but its recuperated now.

Me in yellow with besties

Early September - Again with the same group of friends (2 excluded) we managed to book an apartment in London and stayed for 2 nights and 3 days and we partied for 2 nights straight and I realised I am getting too old for this.

Late September - I travelled to Zambia on my own lonesome and had the best time ever, already planning to head back February 2015 (as well as May 2015) so excited. Seeing family and friends after so long was epic, making new friends was even better.

Me on right side

October - Moved to new apartment and the only travels have done have been to and from Oxford (well I now have accommodations in Oxford).

November - Apart from my trips to London I have not really done much significant travellings this month but I have more planned next month and I am so excited. The best thing that happened this month was celebrating my nephew's 2 year old birthday.

3 Generations: Brov, Nephew and Daddy

Travel wise - what have you been up to this year?

{24 Days} Day #11 ~ 11 Months Ago

When I started this blog off my main blog A July Dreamer, I had an idea of exactly what I wanted to share on this blog. I wanted this blog to be more about my Personal Confessions to connect and maybe help others out there and also I wanted to share some of my insights on Relationships be it long distance or otherwise. I also wanted to share my journey towards being healthy and share some of the (self) Motivation that I have to achieve certain health goals in my life. Have I stuck to that original plan? maybe! maybe not but one thing I do know is that it has been a process and one that I have and still am enjoying. I have learnt so much from so many people that visit this blog, who read and comment either on here or privately and for that I am grateful. I feel very blessed to have this platform where I can share whatever I want, write whatever I please and though judgements are there at most I do not give a damn. This is my little piece of haven and I love it. I have always talked about how its being easy for me to make friends though not always the right ones all the time but friends nonetheless. Starting A July Dreamer and this blog The Myrabev Life has been the best decisions I have made in a very long long time, I have enjoyed making 'virtual friends' I have enjoyed talking to people with same 'beliefs',  'intellect' and 'drive. So what has happened in the last 11 months of The Myrabev Life?

November 2013: I volunteered to help a local charity for thanksgiving to clean up a riding school for disabled children.

December 2013: I attend my first ever blogger event hosted by Next store, thought I did not blog about it on this blog I shared it on A July Dreamer. And attend another event for 'The princes' charity' hosted by in love with fashion and etailPR.

January 2014: On the 5th day I parted ways with the company I was working for, my dreamer Job was gone and I was devastated.

February 2014: I got my now new dream job, better than I could have ever imagined or even dreamed of. I am got the most devastating message of my life.

(c) Owner unknown

March 2014: I was recognised at work for work well done and I could not be happier, life was TOUGH and it was HARD but no one was the wiser I kept the lid on it and life went on.

(c) Owner unknown

April 2014: We celebrated my brother's 25th, we had an amazing Easter with family and friends.
May 2014: We confirmed and booked our family holiday/church convention to Germany, I was so excited this was the first family holiday (though my brother was missing) Mum, Dad, little sister and I went on a holiday in over 15 years.

June 2014: We attended the church convention in Munich Germany (I am still yet to blog about it) and spent a couple days extra enjoying the town and meeting friends.

July 2014: Cancelled my trip to paris and swapped it for something better  -my nephew, my brother and his wife brought he down for the weekend and I took him shopping. This was money well spent, last weekend my brother was telling me of how much my nephew loves the trucks I got him. Feeling = priceless and beats paris any day of the week.

August 2014: We celebrated my sister's birthday and I met up with my friends in Sheffield where we partied for 2 nights straight life pros (though being one of the eldest in the group I felt the fatigue).

September 2014: Made my first ever trip to Zambia alone, I bought and paid for my own ticket with my own hard earned cash. I am still very happy about this, my dream of being able to do this has come and pasted and I met with my lovely family and friends so that was a bonus. Also celebrated mum's 50th so proud of this old lady.

October 2014:  1st day celebrated Dad's 51st and though was still in Zambia for most of it but came back to a new house and a new me was born, I have been cooking every day since I returned and I have loved every minute of it. Today I created a totally new recipe of my own and I ain't sick yet (haha). Also we celebrated 50 Years independence and mourned our 5th Zambian President. Happy and Sad times all in one month such is life.

#Dinner is served #cooking bacon beef steak and #rice with the @DegustaboxUK cooking kit #foodblogger #foodflirt #food #healthy #recipe #eats #feedme #instafood #foodphotography #foodgram #foodporn #healthyliving #healthy

A photo posted by A July Dreamer (@myrabev) on Nov 11, 2014 at 10:43am PST

The past eleven months have been a trial but they have also been a blessing in disguise, I will not claim that it was easy but my pure determination and want for a better future drove me to where I am now.

How have your last couple of months being? Did you start 2014 on a good note? How do you intend to finish 2014 (God willing)?