Ok so today's post is a bit hmmm for me because well I am not usually this. It's true what they say one bad experience can cause people to hide from the world.
I started working for this pharmaceutical company in February and since then have been getting familiar with the area, you know the trains, buses, prices, shops etc but one thing I have not really done is invested some time into making new friends. Why because I am scared shitless, I am one person who let's things get to the heart as I have confessed even though after I deal with it in my own way (usually cry it out) it doesn't bother me any more but I will still remember the feelings and even have back flashes or whatever.
A while back I was doing my usual minding my own business when this "female" sat opposite me, to be polite I smiled and so did she but I just had this feeling to quickly look back after she had smiled and the face she had on looking at me turned my blood cold. I didn't think smiling at someone is a crime, she gave me a 360 look of disgust and I couldn't understand why. I checked myself in the mirror, checked behind me and nothing to afford that look.
I felt really offended that I just did the most human thing and smiled at a female human being and apparently looking is a crime and so is smiling, it bothered me a lot that day and I was so drained from thinking about it. I later found out she does that to every single person who smiles at her.
So this experience lead me to today's post, for months now I have seen this girl on the train and the bus to work. She gets on the train before me but we get off same stop, get on/off same bus/stop. I have always wanted to say hi but my experience above seemed to rear it's ugly head out everytime and I didn't want to be embarrassed in front of this professional people on this bus who hardly ever cracks a smile (those who know me know I can keep my teeth in my mouth cause I am always smiling).
Anyway so last week Friday I decided the fear was too crippling and I didn't like the feeling so I just decided today (last Friday) is the day I said hi and don't care for repercussions (if bad). No I was wrong, she was so happy I said hi because she had the same experience and felt the same way. We talked about it and now we can't shut up, we always chatting like besties and I am so happy I took the first step because I gained a new friend and my fear has been sent packing. I really hated feeling powerless and scared of being in that awkward position again.
Labels: Friends, Personal confessions