WEEK 26: PERSONAL CONFESSIONS ~ DEBT IS NO SMALL MATTER 8

Hi there and welcome to another debt is no small matter confession, next week Friday would mark 2 months since I last shared my progress so far on this road to being debt free. I will start by saying it has not been easy but it also has not been hard, I have said this before but I thought I say it again. The easy part is that I have had a new motto since I started 'if you do not have it, you do not spend it', this has honestly worked better than I could have imagined over the last 12+ months since I took the plunge to be debt free. The hard part is having the self control and the determination to not fall off the wagon and go back into debt to satisfy a short term craving.

I mentioned in debt is no smaller matter 7 that I had just over £2000 left to pay off and I also explained my reason for not rushing to pay this off in one lump sump and instead start to enjoy life a bit more. I am not sure about you but for almost 3 years now I had worked to pay off my bills not to live a life and honestly that I think contributed to me putting myself into debt. I would work all waking days and when I got paid all the money was spoken for and nothing was in my name everything either belong to the landlord, the home bills or the debt agency nothing had my name and I was the one going 8-8 busting my backside off.

I have just over a £1000 left to pay off and I honestly feel very happy about it and if not a bit sad, I know you wondering why I am feeling sad. Over the last year or saw I had developed big time on how to manage the debt that I had and not so much how not to get back into it. I am not saying I will be jumping right back into it I am saying it will or might be just a little bit harder to stay off it. I am going to stick to my motto but I also acknowledge I am human and might fall off but for my better future I hope I do not.

Have you ever been in debt? How did you get out of it or planning to get out?

Personal Confessions ~ Finding the good in goodbye

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The first time I heard Beyonce sing 'Thank God I found the good in goodbye' I didn't really get it until I sat down and thought about it and what that meant to me. There are so many things in this life that we always wanted to hold onto and some of it is not even good for us but we are so scared of saying goodbye we decide it's better to have or keep that than to say goodbye. Why? Because it is what we know, it is comfortable and at least for the time being we know what it is and mostly it's future we have an idea. It's like the good old saying "Better the devil you know than the devil you don't".

I am a hoarder by nature, I really do not like throwing away my things but I am also not the obsessive kind. There things I am just like ok that can go but there are somethings that no matter what I want to keep it. I think I have two old pair of jeans that are size 8 that my mind keeps telling me I will one day go back to size 8 so I will need them (I wish). I have letters from my first ever boyfriend, I have little presents from all my past relationships that I keep in a box and find it hard to even consider throwing but never even look at. 

There are so many things I do not want to let go of, I want to keep it all but I have now learn't the good in goodbye. I never thought I would, be it in my personal life or my life in general and I am quite proud of myself. I feel like I have arrived at a certain point in my life where tagging on anything that is not contributing to my happiness, my well being and my plans for the future is not something I want to keep a hold of. I have looked at what I always wanted, what sometimes I feel like I am missing and things which in the over scheme of things are nothing.

My new hairdresser recently told me, do not worry about tomorrow because tomorrow is not your concern today is. Do not live for tomorrow for tomorrow has it's own plan, today is an opportunity to do something new, to change something and to challenge something. It is not a day to sit and wonder what tomorrow looks like for tomorrow may not have a plan for you.

I wish you all a wonderful weekend and remember do it all today for tomorrow is not guaranteed.

*** source unknown

Personal Confessions ~ Actions speak louder than words

When are are born and start to grow we live by the words of our guardians, our guardian's word is mightier than king Arthur's sword. As a child we have short attention span so when we asked our guardian for something and they said they would do it then they do not we were hurt and confused but then before the day ends we had forgotten or moved on to the next thing. This is the life of a kid and I honestly want to say I miss this time, not caring much about the hurt and the pain but moving on because that's life, sh*t happens, we learn, we feel pain and we grow (hopefully).

Living as an adult things take a different turn, now when someone says they will do something and they don't well  we already know that life sucks and you move on but when whether said or not and they do something unexpected it's like Christmas every day. As we grow older we develop ways to deal with disappointment better than when we were kids. We start to form barriers when people hurt us or take us for granted, and I think this is the part where as my friends says 'things go tits up'.

I will be honest and say in the last 10 years of my life I have held more grudges than I can to remember. Though I held grudges I also forgot about then until someone reminded me of them and then I am back to holding grudges. It is tiring, it is time consuming and it takes so much of my head space that it can make you spin. I am tired of it and I have made a decision to change this.

Though I have made a decision I know its not like a switch that I can switch on/off but it is something that will take time for me to learn and to heal.

I love my life and everything in it, I appreciate the hurt I have experienced in my life as I have first hand knowledge of what it is that can destroy me.

I realised life is too short to hold grudges and even shorter to hold onto unhappiness. I always say happiness is a choice and one that I choose for me and that has not changed.

Week 18: Personal Confessions ~ Debt is no small matter 7

Twelve months ago I made a decision that would later change my outlook on debt and my fears of being judged for being in debt. Yes some of the reasons I got into debt may not have been via personal choice (student loans+tuition) but some of it is (irresponsible use of credit cards) but regardless I was scared of being judged. 

There are two types of people who know me personally and both have different views, some think money grows on trees in my yard and some think I like to put myself into debt. It is not easy having either of these two groups of people in my life. The ones who think money grows on trees are always mad at me when I say I do not have money to help them and those who think I like being in debt are always mad at me when I decide to spend money on something that I love and want to treat myself. 

How in the world am I meant to deal with this behaviour  from people in my circle?

I was going through all the posts I have shared with you all in the last twelve months on  my debt free journey and I just realized how much has changed. Granted I still owe just over £2000 but I realized the most significant change of all has been how much money I am spending paying off my debt on a monthly basis. Granted if I really wanted to I could pay off this £2000 in one go but then I will have to sleep at the office for the entire month as I won't be able to have anything else except a place to order dominoes. I chose not to pay it off at once because well life is too damn short, I want to go on holiday now instead of  in a couple months time. I might get hit by a bus in a months time so I might not go on holiday but now when I know what's happening this minute I am going.

I know I sound crazy for someone who wants to be debt free but I want to be debt free not dead. I still want to enjoy the small pleasures in my life. I am not saying I will ignore paying off the £2000 but rather pay it off with the current repayment plan I have in place.

Twelve months ago I used to spend £950 a month paying off debt alone, this did not include my monthly bills like rent and food. Do you know how debilitating this is, getting paid and spending over half of your pay on debt and not even have a penny to just once buy a nice shirt or nice shoes for work? I could not even go on holiday in the same county, country later alone abroad, sometimes I couldn't even visit my own parents for months on end. This is so not a life (for me personally), especially since it is just me no husband or kids yet.

My monthly debt repayments have reduced from £950 to £250 and this includes my mobile phone bill. You can not imagine how liberated I feel being able to have that £700 for other things including saving and visiting my parents whenever I want (which is almost every weekend), meeting up with a friend for a movie and drinks and being able to book a holiday abroad because I can.

I know I am blessed and never forget it.

I can honestly say in the last few months I have been living the life I have been working my back side off for the last Twelve months.

My motto still stands: DO NOT LIVE ABOVE YOUR MEANS

I pay my debt off, then my necessities and what is left I save or do something spontaneous.I won't be on planet Earth for long though I am not saying I will be reckless I am saying I will enjoy when ever I feel like it but still within my means.

Personal Confession ~ The 200th Post

 

For the last 2 weeks I have been trying to think of a creative way to write this post, trying to think of what to write and how to share this huge milestone with you all and I honestly came up blank so bear with me as I am going with the flow. Where and how do you share the excitement of reaching 200 posts? When I made the decision to start this blog (my 2^nd blog mind you) I honestly did not know what I was doing and how much work I was going to put into this blog. Managing two blogs have never been a problem for me but it has not been easy either, because when I am having motivational issues to blog it's not only one blog being affected it is two and that sometimes gets to me even though I know I am only human and this is bound to happen.

Most of my readers on this blog will know lately my posts have been far and in between ever since 2015 started. I did contemplate deleting this blog and I think that was my lowest point this year because I enjoy blogging and I treasure both my blogs. Part of the reason for wanting to delete this blog was because I found myself comparing my blogs to other people's blog which I think is not fair on myself nor on other bloggers. It is never fair to compare my beginning to someone else's middle as that is cause for internal turmoil especially if your blog is not as successful as another person's blog. Yes we started at the same time for some and they are doing so much better than me, which is fine because how much work I put into this blog cannot compare to another person's blog and vice versa is true. For me blogging is done on a part-time basis and definitely a hobby but someone else that might not be the case. I am human and this I am sure will continue to happen long before I find a solution to accepting it all come what may. One piece of advice I have for myself and fellow bloggers in the same situation (or any life situation) as me on comparing your beginning to someone else's middle is that "Check yourself before you wreck yourself". What I want to focus on is appreciating that another person has done better than me, congratulating them (even if it's just in my head) and then acknowledging that I am not there yet. I want to use their success as motivation for me to achieve what I want to achieve but I also need to learn when to accept the situation and leave as is because honestly how I define success is not the same as the next person.

If I was to be honest to myself and the world is that I am pretty successful as I am right now, I am at the best that I can be so far in life. Yes there are things that I do not yet have and which I had but I also know that I have so much already both which I can see and that which I cannot see yet. My definition of success blogwise is being able to manage my blogs the way I have been doing it for almost two years now and not giving up that is success. What is my next goal, well it's no secret that I would like to one day earn something resembling a salary from my blogs but that is a 'life time goal' than my next to achieve goal. So many things have to happen before I can reach that life time goal but in the mean time I can do small actions that will move me towards that goal. Success to me is being able to manage the blogger support group The Lovely Bloggers on Facebook with my blogger friend Jemma of celery and cupcakes and in a short span of time having such active members. Being successful is being alive and healthy to enjoy all the goodness and even the bad that this world has to offer and remembering to be thankful to the powers that be for all of it. Being successful for me is not living without regrets but living with the knowledge that you did not give up, you gave it your all and maybe your all is not enough but that knowledge of having attempted is for me is success.

I will not claim to have figured success out be it blogwise or life in general but I am sharing what it means to me and how I look at it all. Being true to myself is a number one priority, keeping it real is my motto and never giving up is my motivation. Life will always throw us curve balls, but it is how we deal with them that define our success.

Happy 200^th post to me.

Personal Confession ~ To know or not to know

Lately I have been pondering to myself about life and how things as you grow and develop start to either make sense or get more complicated. I have been questioning whether it is better to know something is wrong or not.

........Let me give you an example......

Is it better to know you have a disease that will eventually kill you or is it better not to know so you can go on and enjoy your life? Because I am one of those people who once I know it brings me down a 100 fold and getting back to my joyous self becomes tough and tortuous.

  I have always said that for me ignorance is bliss but lately I have found myself questioning if that is still true. One might argue that once you know then you can do something about it, take precaution or start treatment but there is another side to knowing it depresses people and for most the depression is stronger than the need to take precautions or start treatment.

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One might say it is best not to know as not to tip the equilibrium and continue on living as if you will live forever. Though one might think this is ill advised sometimes I feel like this is an approach I want to undertake for my sanity's sake. 

A couple days ago I stumbled across something I am wishing I didn't know and would give my right arm to forget but that won't be happening I know it already and now I am wondering if I should get involved or stay out of it and pretend I know nothing. The internal conflict is so strong that I have resorted to documenting it here as most times when I share things on here I get clarity that I don't usually see when alone in my thoughts. 

What would be your approach, to ignore or to disturb? 

**image source

Week 10: Personal Confessions ~ Debt is no small matter 6

The first time I ever decided to open up about my personal struggle with debt was last year in May. Though I had a plan in place of what I wanted to do, where I wanted to be around May this year and how I intended to get there I could not have foreseen how hard this process was going to be but also how much of an education, an experience this was going to be for me. One thing I do know for sure is this is one process I will not be repeating for years to come, I have sworn myself off debt. My boo always told me do not spend what you did not earn or do not have, at first I just thought he was annoying but 7 years on I realise it was trying to save me from this journey but sometimes I believe we need to experience something to truly believe the words of wisdom.

It's been over 3 months since I last shared an update on my financial state and my financial plan for 2015. Since we are long overdue I wanted to recap from the last 5 posts on Debt is no small matter then share my current plan and status.
In my first ever Debt is no small matter post, I shared how I got into debt and how I was going to get out of it. I laid out my plan as well as my new motto "If you don't have it don't spend it" - I am happy to say I have stayed true to my word and not once have I spent what I didn't have and by this I mean no loans and no more credit cards. After laying out my plan I went further and shared with you all the subscriptions & beauty boxes I was (then) currently preview to which I cancelled 90%. I am very proud of myself for not falling off the wagon with these because it was not easy but I knew my debt-free future was more important. In my third Debt is no small matter post I shared with you all how I was not able to reach my target of being Debt free by December 2014 due to family loses and my need to travel back home to Zambia after 12 years. Though with family loses and trips to plan I still managed to pay off 75% of my debt by December 2014, I then shared the true story on how I came into Debt and how much I was owing to begin with and the then current financial status. My last advice in 2014 of Debt is no small matter I spoke about my knowledge of money since I was young but my lack of will power even when I knew the consequences I guess I never just understood them fully.

It is so much easier to look down on people in debt when you have never been in debt or appreciate the struggle that some people go through. Most times people do just put themselves into debt because they want to live a certain lifestyle or want certain things in life and there is nothing wrong with wanting that. The wrong part comes when you start to live above your means and start to cause problems in families, relationships and friendships too. I am blessed to have a supportive unit and though I know most of the debt was not by choice (Tuition fee & rent) the other part was and I could have avoided it but then again I only now appreciate the situation after I have personally walked it. I know that if my only debt was my tuition fee and rent with my salary I would have been debt free after 3-6 months. I hope one day when I have kids I can teach my kids the best way how and hope they never fall into the same ditch that I did.

What I owed	What I owe	What I will owe come January 2015
£11,112.24	£4,817.20	£3,582.97

The table above I shared last year october, I shared what I owed to begin with, how much I was owing at that point and how much I would be owing come January 2015. It's now March 2015 and I owe roughly £2,103.01, I am working on clearing this before the summer and I am very happy with my progress the future looks so bright.

How blogging helped save me money

When I started blogging I was not aware of how much this would help save me money. I started blogging with the sole purpose of passing time, sharing my evolving life and then it because a little haven where I would escape and write whatever I wanted because it was my little part of the online world. I did not start blogging with the sole purpose of saving money or getting freebies these have been added bonuses which if I am honest are pretty awesome but not what I am about. Some of the products I have tested I would have done so anyway if I had the money or if I had the knowledge of them. Blogging has allowed me an inside knowledge of so many products which I did not know existed or even knew I needed. I have learned about routines, I have learned about what works for my type of skin, what to avoid and what should be given my own opinion before and/or after testing. Let's take 2014 has an example as that's when blogging really took off for me.

Face products - I can not honestly remember the last time I went to a beauty store and bought face products and if I have recently I had a coupon (voucher). This has saved me tons of money as though I am economical with my face products in how I use them it does add up after a while especially buying monthly or every other month. So let's do a little mathematics, the average price for my simple face products (cleanser,wipes, toner & cream) is about £10 and I had only bought these twice (I think) so that leaves me with 10 other months where I have saved an outstanding £100+/- a few pounds. This as you can see is amazing, most of you know I am trying to rid of my university debt and I have 6 months left to clear it all and just be left with normal bills (rent/mortgage, gas, electric etc). So having such a saving has been a bonus and I have used the money to pay off a debt or two.

Let's talk food, I have saved quite a bit in this department too. When I signed up for Degustabox last year June I didn't know how much this would impact my food spending. For £12.99 I get to try out 10-12 different types of foods, this removes from my normal shopping which then allows me to save up in this department too. My average monthly food shopping was between £50-70 a month for just me now if we calculate this from June last year so £60 by 6 is £360. This is a lot of money with the Degustabox being £12.99 and me spending max £20-30 a month I have managed to save approximately half of £360 (£180) in 6 months. This has been a big welcome and a big change for me.

I am also saving big time in clothes shopping, having companies send you clothes, vouchers and even just entering competitions to win a bit of cash has helped with saving money. I can not honestly calculate how much I have saved in shopping for clothes department as whatever I had not used because I was sent something I had used to take my sister shopping or sending a loved one the money.

Blogging has really opened my eyes to a lot of things. I know I have in the past been frugal with some things but blogging showed me so much more and has opened up so many venues though I will not be giving up my day job. One thing I do want to make clear is just because I have had all these opportunities does not even in the slightest mean I blog to get free stuff NO I blog for me and me alone. If I am offered something that I needed or have always wanted but could not afford then you betcha am going to accept but if it compromises my integrity I will say no.

There have been offers that I have thought oh wow I could do with that money but then I realise this is not me so I have turned them down. And sometimes these compromising offers come when you running on your last penny and you a few days shy of payday. But it's about knowing and believing what you stand for, I am not judging those who do because I do not know your circumstances I only know mine.

To my fellow bloggers, how has blogged helped you save money or even helped you make money? Let me know your thoughts on when a blogger turns from just blogging for them to blogging for freebies.

Personal Confessions: Moving Forward ~ Embracing the unknown

2015 is almost upon us and so many of us have started making plans/resolutions/goals for the new year and the promises it holds. No one apart from God knows what will happen as we enter 2015, I remember entering 2014 as I did every year for the last 6 years with a champagne toast after counting down to the start of the New Year in London under the most magnificent firework display. Little did I know that 5 days entering the New Year I would lose my Job and 20 days into the New Year I would get another one which looking at it now is much better than the one before. How could I have known that 3 days into this wonderful new role I would be faced with the most distressing news that would end up turning my life upside down and making me question if anything in my life was ever real or just hocus pocus? I hadn't had the chance to get over this shock then to be informed a mere few days that I should be the bearer of good news for the third party whilst I slowly die. 2014 was unforgiving, it did not only rob us of one family member but 4 because it had to balance this planet somehow, recovering from it seemed impossible even too far fetched. Yes my 2014 sucked and yes I would love nothing more than to have the best 2015 but as history has taught me I do not know what the future holds. I am afraid to see the 5th of January again, I am dead scared to reach the 19th of February again because these two dates proved fatal for me this ending year. I sit and wonder how this year paralyzed me in more ways than one, I sit and wonder what in God's name did I do to karma to be sent such a blow not only to my mental state but to my emotional state too - Karma is indeed a bitch.

2015 here we come with the new #attitude but same old me

A photo posted by A July Dreamer (@myrabev) on Dec 12, 2014 at 11:52pm PST

Now that the worst of the worst for 2014 is off my chest let me share why I am happy still with my life. I lost one job and gained one so much better, I sit and think about the circumstances of how I lost my previous job and think wow trusting some people is reason for my downfall. I have always been someone who gives you the benefit of the doubt instead of putting my guard up I have it down until its too late and when I do have them up I apologise but for you they will never be down in your presence ever again. I do not want to be that person who is always doubting people and wasting energy instead I prefer to believe in someone until they prove me wrong. With all the bad that happened in 2014, it seems almost all brought me joy and maybe even the ones I am yet to see the joy there is joy in not knowing. I have been able to do so many things that I thought impossible and in my loneliest hours I have found the courage to cry the pain out and embrace the unknown. I have a firm belief that nothing happens without a reason and even though for some things in my life I am yet to understand the reason or the reason is there and I refuse to see it I know it's all for the best. I pray and pray until I can pray no more but I know deep down it was meant to be like this. Life throws us so many obstacles and it's up to us how we handle them. I do not know if how I am handling the obstacles in my life the correct way but I do know and believe the lord wouldn't allow for me to be in a situation he fully knew I couldn't handle. So I know whatever happens in my life I can handle and if I feel that I can not I can always cry to the lord for his guidance and his right arm on my back to help me up and move on forward.

2015 is still a scary year for me as I do not know how it will start but I do know if possible I want to be in the house of the lord early morning just like I would like to be in the house of the lord to close the year this Wednesday evening. My faith and my trust in the almighty is what has helped me to reach thus far, I have had countless opportunities throughout 2014 that I do not think I would have been able to have on my own, both in my personal life and in my blogging world. I want to leave you with this message 'all is possible in the lord, even impossible says I'm possible'. Happy Holidays and blessings for the New Year

Week 57: Personal Confessions ~ debt is no small matter 5

Hi there and welcome to the final personal confessions post on money matters for 2014, I can not seriously remember when I last shared an update on the 'debt is no small issue' posts but nonetheless here is the last post of 2014 on this issue and you can read the beginning of my journey below.

1. Debt is no small issue part 1
2. Debt is no small issue part 2
3. Debit is no small issue part 3
4. Debt is no small issue part 4

In my last update I gave you an idea of what I was still owing and the plan for next year. I am so excited to be able to finish of paying all my debt and be debt-free so I can enjoy the money that the Lord helps me to make without the ache of having to shave a chunk to pay off debts which are not even normal bills. My advice to students starting out or already started is simple

I have always had the wise knowledge about money but my will unfortunately has not been as strong hence sending myself into this debt which if I am honest and lived the way I did back home I would be enjoying what I am earning now without a care in the world. But life is full of learns and consider me 'lesson received loud and clear and learnt'. I know it is not easy to stay debt free especially with mortgages, student loans, car loans but some of these are avoidable like credit card bills, store card bills, loan shark bills etc. They are very attractive there and then but they are nothing more like bottomless pits. I had a lot of small loans because the bank wouldn't lend me due to my then bad credit history these little loans cost repayment so much that I think that's the reason I've stayed in debt longer because all my big bank loans I have cleared with years to spare. Earlier this month I found out that one of the companie I had a small loan from had actually been asked by the courts to return all the money to it's debtors, they took their sweet time to inform their clients about it and I had been re-paying since beginning of this year, I am due to catch someone from there to ask about the refund. I also found out that the big loans from the bank also been charging me PPI and I am entitled to a refund, I do not know how much it is but will be great if it's enough to clear the small debt I have now.

I know most people do not really like discussing their financial situation which is fine but I think if you discuss it with your dearest and nearest it's fine at least all are on same page. 

I am wishing you and your family a MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY START TO THE NEW YEAR.

Week 55: Personal Confessions ~ It's never too late just start

It's the 12th month, the year has come to an end. It's time to sit down and reflect on your relationships for the past 12 months, how do you think you have done? Could you have done something different? Do you have any regrets? Are there things that you wish you had done and/or said to someone? What words would you take back if given the chance? What occurrences would you do differently if given the chance? 

I am sure you are reading this and somethings are coming to mind, you do not have to reveal them to anyone these are for you. I have always said in my many Relationship Advice posts that it's always important to look after number ONE and that is always, I am sure many mother's who are up to their elbows in baby this and that would just want to stab me for saying this especially since I am not a mother and don't know what I am talking about but I will tell you from what I have seen and experienced from my own mother. 

My mother always made time for her self be it at night when her children and husband plus the 7 other people we looked after had gone to sleep. My mother is one woman who functions best after a good 3-hour sleep - I have inherited this and don't like it but helps with my blogging and my 9-5 job. I will not claim it was easy or always possible but she always made sure she had at least 1 hour twice a week to herself and in doing so she was a wonderful mother that she is. You need to take care of you first before anyone else and I am not saying physically always but mentally and emotionally too, you just need some time to switch off your brain and think me me me and then back to your daily life. A more relaxed and happy you is a more and happy household, I once heard on the bus going home two older men discussing something when one said 'a happy wife is a happy home' and I agree because ladies (gents too) I know so many times we put on this face of being in total control and happy when inside we falling apart. You are basically a kettle overfilled with water and boiling, you know what will happen once you pass your melting point! all hell will break lose so make sure you take time for you.

Relationships are not easy they need work but they were never meant to be hard either, they were made to be enjoyed and for two people to be happy together in oneness and enjoy what the world has to offer. There those of us who have been in relationships for so long that we have kind of gone and forgotten how it started and there are those who still living in  that past and neglecting the present. We need to be present in our lives and we need to start appreciating one another. Do some romantic gestures and I am not sharing buying expensive gifts, as lovely as those are I think the over tired mothers/fathers would rather have an hour to a day to themselves. The neglected lover would much rather have a romantic gesture - cook a meal or bring some flowers or do something the other loves and enjoys or just sit there and listen.

There are so many things I wish I had done this year, words I wish I never said and occurrences I wish never happened but there is no point in focusing on that. At this present moment in time I only have the chance, the opportunity to do something different. To say I am sorry, I love you, I believe in you or even to just sit down and listen. It's never to late you just have to start and move forward.

Week 53: Personal Confessions ~ My Christmas is different to yours

When I was growing up Christmas was always the highlight of december. You see back home, though we always had chicken throughout the year there was always some 'chickens' (mostly kids got the big pieces on this one day) that were just for christmas, so you can imagine as a kid just waiting to have this christmas kind of chicken on christmas day. Not many people around us could afford to even have the simplest of christmas foods or items that we had the pleasure of having and now are even more fortunate to have. My mother made sure every single day of our lives was lived like christmas but christmas still carried more emphasis than other days (excluding birthdays and easter). Talking to friends and/or reading posts on the blogosphere you get a sense of different christmas traditions and how most people would wait till the morning to find out what father christmas has brought them. For us it was not always the case that we got presents, my parents focused us more on celebrating the day with friends & family at church then heading home to eat the feast that was mother's wonderful cooking. Somehow the meals that she cooked every day of the year couldn't quite match the one she did for christmas even the cakes that she baked daily seemed to lack something that the christmas cake held.

These are some of my earliest memories of my christmas back home in Zambia, so when I came across a charity that is working to help support different families in some countries in Africa I was so moved that I contacted them to see if I could include them in this post. We are all different and support different causes and for me this is one that is close to my heart because I can relate at a personal level. The charity is called send a cow (the cow called Gloria modelling this 'amoosing' christmas jumper had me in stitches, she is so on trend with the festive season) and they help families in Africa via different initiatives and this year they have a christmas catalogue which contains gifts that make a difference to poverty-stricken families in 7 African countries. The charity are using the 'wild, wacky and of questionable taste of bright jumpers' during this festive period to raise awareness of 'send a cow's aim of selling 20, 000 festive gifts that make a difference to poverty stricken African families.

Replacing the traditional jumper pattern of snowmen or crackers, this udderly stylish Christmas jumper has been created to showcase the charity’s latest altruistic Christmas gifts catalogue, and was custom-knit with maximum comfort and fit in mind for the fashion-conscious cow.  Gloria the cow, a purebred Jersey from Devon, didn’t bat an eyelid at being fitted with the jumper, which fits with Velcro straps and is based on one of her existing comfortable coats.  Gifts range from ‘Local Cow’ (£205), which provides a farming family with milk and manure; ‘Little Donkey’ (£9) which helps families take good care of their four-legged friends who transport farm produce to market; and ‘Tip Tap’ (£10), a bestseller which improves hygiene levels in areas where soap and water are luxuries.

About Send a Cow

Send a Cow was started by West Country farmers 25 years ago and in that time has transformed the lives of over one million people. Send a Cow works hand-in-hand with families in Africa, teaching them the skills they need to build lives free from poverty and hunger. By providing training, livestock, seeds and support, the charity helps create stronger communities for the future.

Send a Cow works with poor families in seven African countries, providing practical farming assistance that will last for generations to come and supporting families through every step of their journey out of poverty.

Our lives are different now so are our circumstances but somehow we don't seem to have changed much when it comes to christmas and I guess that's our christmas tradition, granted now we give and get presents every year but mostly they are things that you need like for me one year my mother got me a bathrobe I worn it until it had holes in it and looked more like a shirt than a robe on my 5'7 frame. I guess my confession today is more to say we all have different traditions and I love mine am sure as much as you love yours. Sometimes it becomes too overwhelming with the amount of posts that are all about "ooh this is what I am giving for christmas or what I am getting for christmas", not everyone is as fortunate as we are. So in our happiness of what we have let us remember those that do not have it. I do not know what kind of christmas tradition I will have in the future with my future kids but I do want to make sure its one where they appreciate the true meaning of christmas and not just the presents part which if God willing will be able to afford then will give. Don't forget the meaning of christmas whether you believe it to be Christ's birthday or not, its the spirit of giving and spending time with loved ones and being thankful for the wonders that never cease as we see another day. And also spare a thought for those who are not so fortunate and if you can lend a hand do so, it does not have to be extravagant it just has to be meaningful.

Simon Barnes, CEO of Send a Cow said; “This year we’ve taken the idea of the quirky Christmas jumper one step further, to encourage people to think differently about the gifts they buy this Christmas. Instead of buying chocolate for a friend, why not buy something unusual - for as little as £5 you will greatly improve the lives of poverty-stricken families in Africa. This is our 13th year of the Christmas catalogue and over the years we’ve raised over eight million pounds to help poor families. We really hope that you will support us this year by buying a gift, to help us change even more lives this Christmas and beyond.”

Happy 1st day of December.

PS - The Send a Cow catalogues is available online, click HERE.

Week 52: Personal Confessions ~ What your heart fails to reveal the pain will

Firstly I will start this post with a confession - I am obsessed with Korean Drama/movies, it may have something to do with their so adorable language or the storylines that you can relate to (though at times I feel like breaking my ipad when you can clearly see that the girl is silly for falling for the annoying mug when the fun and dependable guy is right there ha telly for you). It was during one of my favourite drama that I learnt something that has since stayed with me, the drama is called 'Master's Sun' its adorable and scary!! sneak peak watch episode 4 the beginning when she wakes up in bed with the CEO and she tells him that waking up at strange places is common occurrence for her that one time she woke up at the cemetery - now they show a clip of people at the cemetery paying their respectives when she wakes up behind the grave with frightening hair and yawns loudly what cracked me up his how fast the people run - I am actually laughing right now thinking about it.

Anyway I deviate..

So as I was saying during this drama I learnt this important lesson, 'what your heart fails to reveal the pain will'. Things have not been going great for me this year emotionally and personally and I could not figure out what my heart is saying or how I should move forward and this message resonated with me so much.

'What the heart fails to reveal, the pain will'

Sometimes in life we go through so many things and most times we do not know how to deal with the situation or how to move forward, I know how hard it is to see clearly sometimes. I always say its easier for someone outside to see inside clearly but those inside do not always have that advantage point. I had a friend who was going through a rough time and I could see clearly what was wrong and as much as I wanted to point out the wrong parts I realised its not always an easy pill to swallow when someone tells you what you probably don't want to hear or worse you get accused of trying to cause trouble. I think all we can do is be there for those people, do not be quick to point out the obvious sometimes its best to play it by ear. I have had 'friends' who when I noticed something and me thinking I am being a good friend voiced the concerns and got accused of trying to cause trouble though later down the road the 'friend' realised I was only looking out for her but was too sorry too late even though I am not one to hold a grudge. 

Life is not always black and white, there are too many gray areas and we need to decide what is worth the risk. There are people who come into our lives for the season (life is like a season) and move on, we need to be grateful for those people because they help shape us. Those who are meant to stay for a lifetime they will come at the right time.

Now that we have that off the chest, do not forget I have two giveaways ongoing and you have twice the chance to win by enter the widgets below.

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Week 47: Personal Confessions ~ Debt is no small matter part 4

Hi there and welcome to my week 47 of personal confessions, today will be looking at how I am doing with my “Debt is no small matter” series. This series I started to document my path to a debt free life and how I making this possible, I also mentioned my new motto “if you don’t have it don’t spend it, no more pay later on high purchase items”. In week 39 I talked about where I was and how I was doing, if you remember I mentioned it’s not been easy breaking old habits but it was also no particularly hard because I had a set goal in mind and I have a certain view of what I want my future to look or at least attempt to look like. Today I will go further and review just much I owed and just how much I owe currently, it may shock some people and others will just shrug because well what I owe to them is nothing.

What I owed	What I owe	What I will owe come January 2015
£11,112.24	£4,817.20	£3,582.97

 So now you know how much debt I incurred in my 4 years at university (this is loans, credit cards and store cards). I will now explain exactly how this came about and this should not be taken as an excuse but the then current situation called for some.

 August 2008 I get my results from college, I have passed and I can actually go to university. I tell my parents we are all very excited and my parents tell me how proud they are of me. Fast forward two weeks later when my parents sit me down and explain how we could not afford for me to go to university this year and how I will have to wait till next year when we become British permanent residents for me to get support to go to university. You can imagine my pain and frustrations but there was nothing I could do even with the scholar I was short £5,500 for Tuition and £5,000 for rent, food and other necessities. I remember crying forever, I remember how G was upset for me and how much we hated the situation but accepted it because there was nothing we could do. My parents just bought a house with a mortgage so we could not apply for loan and I had no credit history so could not apply for loan. Anyway, I decided to become full time social worker and raise money for next academic year (2009).

 Fast forward September 2009, I had raised £4000 for tuition but had to remove £1000 to apply to become British permanent resident (not British just resident). I applied for government support but I was informed I was not eligible, I was gutted but again what can one do. I applied for a loan, got some credit cards and store cards (personal use and ego boasting nothing more) and ladies and gents this is how I slowly got into debt.

 At the start of 2014 I had so many misfortunes happen to me but what I did not know was they were also a blessing in disguise because here I was with almost £12000 in debt and just after 8 months I have been able to reduce this debt to just under £5000. The blessings that the lord has bestowed upon me are just too great I cannot thank him enough and cannot stop praising him.

 What has helped and worked for me (apart from the good lord) is calling each and every single company I owe and explaining my situation and agreeing to what I can pay them on a monthly basis. It was not always easy with some companies but I explained to them I could not give them what I did not have, I did a lot of expense and expenditure forms to come up with amounts that actually worked for me and the them. The important part was to make sure I could afford it after all my normal necessities had come out like rent, transport, utility bills etc. If you found that your debt is too overwhelming, speak to debt counsellors etc. they really help though they were not for me. Another option is debt free agencies which I personally don’t think were helpful to me but have been for other people.

 Have you ever been in debt? How are you/did you deal(ing) with your debt?

Week 42: Personal Confessions ~ Don't compare

Hi there and welcome to another round of my personal confessions. Today's confession is based on my current thoughts and what I am trying to get rid of in my thought process but as you may well know it's not easy. Last night I decided to check out a few close friends and some long time friends as well as family friends. In the process of doing that I found myself comparing my self to all these people and not once did I think I was better than them by circumstance or by position I felt really lacking in so many areas.

I have always spoken about the plan that I had growing up in Zambia as a child. I remember telling my mother the following:

1) I will finish school and do a nursing diploma (back home it's diploma not degree)

2) I will get married right after finishing my nursing course and by

3) age 23 I will have my first child just like you did mummy ( forgot to factor in that by that time she owned her home and had great income plus back then things were different).

I wanted and still do want to follow in my mother's footsteps but of my three promises above I did only one. I

1) Finished school, went to university and became a pharmacologist (not a nurse can't stand needles)

2) I haven't gotten married (yet) but am not rushing.

3) I am 27 and no where near having kids (by choice).

I realised back then those were my options and my goals and they ain't bad goals either but when we moved to the UK the play ground changed and so did my goals.

So if I understand this and have no regrets why then do (or did) I feel very inadequate when I went on fb and saw what I saw. Yes I would very much like to get married and yes I would very much like to have kids but one thing I really have to keep reminding myself of is " it's all in good time, God's time". I will not lie to you, I do have moments were even though I am a preachers child and a child of God I still have my moments of doubt of confliction of sorrow and at times I do feel defeated but one thing I do have in abundance is hope. 

I do not know if God has a husband and kids in my future but I do know whatever he has for me I will have a blast with it. My advice to my readers and friends: don't compare or wish you had what your friends have "you do not know what they gave up to have what they have" " you do not know the pain and suffering beyond that smile". I know it's easy to say be happy with what you have but I also know it's hard. All we can ever do in this life is trust in God and try your best at this thing called life. 

Week 41 Personal Confessions ~ I am only HUMAN

(Source)

Hi there and welcome to my personal confessions, my personal confessions are that ‘personal’ and I find it quite therapeutic to have everything off my chest. Some people might call it ‘airing my dirty laundry’ and that’s ok by me so long as I don’t suffocate in secret am good because you know these days people who hide it all ends up doing something shocking to say the least but I will not dwell on that.

I am one person who can smile at you whilst I am dying inside but you will never know because I choose happiness over self-pity. If I was to sit down with you and tell you the shit that hit the fun this year you wouldn’t believe it, it took me months and months before I decided to tell my family and close friends because well what’s the point if I cannot share with my nearest and dearest. My loyal readers know I posted a couple of crypt posts around February and March, though crypt to some open book to others.

I experienced two life changing events no more than a month apart; I had not had the chance to recover from the first event before the second one hit me. I couldn’t seem to catch a breath and I felt like there was no point in living anymore, I can honestly say that was my lowest point in my 27years on this planet. I had never contemplated accelerating the time till I will meet the heavenly father but at that point I felt like it was better to be with him above than down here on earth. But something stopped me in my thoughts, would he above receive me gracefully if my meeting him was via my own accord and not because it was my time? I decided it’s best to live and enjoy the life I have been afforded and be grateful for my loving parents and siblings.

I have always told my friends that I am too selfish when it comes to my life that I would never no matter what want to accelerate (end) my life whilst here on this planet. I have always said I want to enjoy it to the fullest and not have so much self-pity to contemplate the extremes and there I was all by myself with no family or friends nearby to run to; just me and my thoughts. I have also always claimed I am a self-motivated person and one who has said ‘happiness is a choice – one which I choose 100%’ so then why after these claims did I find myself in this situation? My answer I AM ONLY HUMAN.

I have been battling so many things for so long alone and it’s scary. I recently told my little sister that I am done living life for other people, I am done being the one that has to be considerate and be the one that feels other people’s pain. No one asked me to be like this this is how I was born this is how I was brought up this is how I am. I do not want to lose my human empathy but at present I just want to be me with no care in the world. Is this too much to ask? Is it wrong for me to be selfish and not care about what’s happening around me? I am hurting so much and all I want is to run away but that’s not how I was raised but then again I do not want to face my problems I just want to be happy all by myself and if the lord sees it fit for me to share this with another human being so be it.