Week 41 Personal Confessions ~ I am only HUMAN

(Source)

Hi there and welcome to my personal confessions, my personal confessions are that ‘personal’ and I find it quite therapeutic to have everything off my chest. Some people might call it ‘airing my dirty laundry’ and that’s ok by me so long as I don’t suffocate in secret am good because you know these days people who hide it all ends up doing something shocking to say the least but I will not dwell on that.
I am one person who can smile at you whilst I am dying inside but you will never know because I choose happiness over self-pity. If I was to sit down with you and tell you the shit that hit the fun this year you wouldn’t believe it, it took me months and months before I decided to tell my family and close friends because well what’s the point if I cannot share with my nearest and dearest. My loyal readers know I posted a couple of crypt posts around February and March, though crypt to some open book to others.
I experienced two life changing events no more than a month apart; I had not had the chance to recover from the first event before the second one hit me. I couldn’t seem to catch a breath and I felt like there was no point in living anymore, I can honestly say that was my lowest point in my 27years on this planet. I had never contemplated accelerating the time till I will meet the heavenly father but at that point I felt like it was better to be with him above than down here on earth. But something stopped me in my thoughts, would he above receive me gracefully if my meeting him was via my own accord and not because it was my time? I decided it’s best to live and enjoy the life I have been afforded and be grateful for my loving parents and siblings.
I have always told my friends that I am too selfish when it comes to my life that I would never no matter what want to accelerate (end) my life whilst here on this planet. I have always said I want to enjoy it to the fullest and not have so much self-pity to contemplate the extremes and there I was all by myself with no family or friends nearby to run to; just me and my thoughts. I have also always claimed I am a self-motivated person and one who has said ‘happiness is a choice – one which I choose 100%’ so then why after these claims did I find myself in this situation? My answer I AM ONLY HUMAN.
I have been battling so many things for so long alone and it’s scary. I recently told my little sister that I am done living life for other people, I am done being the one that has to be considerate and be the one that feels other people’s pain. No one asked me to be like this this is how I was born this is how I was brought up this is how I am. I do not want to lose my human empathy but at present I just want to be me with no care in the world. Is this too much to ask? Is it wrong for me to be selfish and not care about what’s happening around me? I am hurting so much and all I want is to run away but that’s not how I was raised but then again I do not want to face my problems I just want to be happy all by myself and if the lord sees it fit for me to share this with another human being so be it.

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::The Myrabev Life::: Week 41 Personal Confessions ~ I am only HUMAN

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Week 41 Personal Confessions ~ I am only HUMAN


Hi there and welcome to my personal confessions, my personal confessions are that ‘personal’ and I find it quite therapeutic to have everything off my chest. Some people might call it ‘airing my dirty laundry’ and that’s ok by me so long as I don’t suffocate in secret am good because you know these days people who hide it all ends up doing something shocking to say the least but I will not dwell on that.
I am one person who can smile at you whilst I am dying inside but you will never know because I choose happiness over self-pity. If I was to sit down with you and tell you the shit that hit the fun this year you wouldn’t believe it, it took me months and months before I decided to tell my family and close friends because well what’s the point if I cannot share with my nearest and dearest. My loyal readers know I posted a couple of crypt posts around February and March, though crypt to some open book to others.
I experienced two life changing events no more than a month apart; I had not had the chance to recover from the first event before the second one hit me. I couldn’t seem to catch a breath and I felt like there was no point in living anymore, I can honestly say that was my lowest point in my 27years on this planet. I had never contemplated accelerating the time till I will meet the heavenly father but at that point I felt like it was better to be with him above than down here on earth. But something stopped me in my thoughts, would he above receive me gracefully if my meeting him was via my own accord and not because it was my time? I decided it’s best to live and enjoy the life I have been afforded and be grateful for my loving parents and siblings.
I have always told my friends that I am too selfish when it comes to my life that I would never no matter what want to accelerate (end) my life whilst here on this planet. I have always said I want to enjoy it to the fullest and not have so much self-pity to contemplate the extremes and there I was all by myself with no family or friends nearby to run to; just me and my thoughts. I have also always claimed I am a self-motivated person and one who has said ‘happiness is a choice – one which I choose 100%’ so then why after these claims did I find myself in this situation? My answer I AM ONLY HUMAN.
I have been battling so many things for so long alone and it’s scary. I recently told my little sister that I am done living life for other people, I am done being the one that has to be considerate and be the one that feels other people’s pain. No one asked me to be like this this is how I was born this is how I was brought up this is how I am. I do not want to lose my human empathy but at present I just want to be me with no care in the world. Is this too much to ask? Is it wrong for me to be selfish and not care about what’s happening around me? I am hurting so much and all I want is to run away but that’s not how I was raised but then again I do not want to face my problems I just want to be happy all by myself and if the lord sees it fit for me to share this with another human being so be it.

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40 Comments:

At 10 September 2014 at 20:58 , Blogger Camille Millecam Whiting said...

I'm glad you find therapy in writing it all out. I'm also glad you're determined to live for you! Good luck through these hard times.

 
At 10 September 2014 at 21:18 , Blogger Miranda Myrabev said...

Thank you camille, living for me and no one else from now on.

 
At 10 September 2014 at 22:35 , Blogger Angela Peters said...

Living for you is an awesome plan!

 
At 10 September 2014 at 22:55 , Blogger Renu X said...

You made the right choices - life and happiness. Both are incredibly precious xoxo

 
At 10 September 2014 at 23:09 , Blogger Winter White said...

Keep writing and getting your thoughts out. Best of luck to you.

 
At 10 September 2014 at 23:37 , Blogger Angelic Sinova said...

I love this so much! All we can do is live for ourselves <3

 
At 10 September 2014 at 23:54 , Blogger Lindsay Living Vegan said...

You're right we all are only human! Great post :)

 
At 11 September 2014 at 02:05 , Blogger All That Glitters said...

Writing can be so therapeutic. Glad you can everything out here!

 
At 11 September 2014 at 02:09 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for being brave and sharing. It's easy to forget that we are only human sometimes. Best wishes :)

 
At 11 September 2014 at 02:52 , Blogger Carly said...

Thank you for sharing these confessions with us! I give you so much credit for being honest with your readers!

 
At 11 September 2014 at 05:09 , Blogger Alison Freisz-Steward said...

Love your honesty!

 
At 11 September 2014 at 05:28 , Blogger Brendy Beauty said...

Love this! I think it carries a lot of honesty and truth with it.

 
At 11 September 2014 at 06:10 , Blogger Lavende L. said...

Great idea to release all your thoughts in writing. All the best in your journey to positivity!

 
At 11 September 2014 at 06:40 , Blogger ananda said...

great choice to be yourself and be honest!

 
At 11 September 2014 at 07:04 , Blogger Fiona Naughton said...

I'm so sorry you've gone through these tough times and turmoil. I hope things start to get better for you, they say time heals all. You seem like such a lovely person so please keep sharing your spirit with the world xo

 
At 11 September 2014 at 09:25 , Blogger Amby Felix said...

Wishing you a ton of happiness, love and peace. We are all only human. I think it's so brave to share those experiences with the world. It's inspiring.

 
At 11 September 2014 at 11:57 , Blogger Katie said...

I'm glad you're still here and thank you for sharing your struggle. I honestly think sometimes it's better to share it than keep it in. For yourself, but also for others around you to understand. I admire your strength!

Katie <3

 
At 11 September 2014 at 13:20 , Blogger celery and cupcakes said...

So sad to hear that you've had some rough times, but you seem to have come out of the other side stronger because of it.

 
At 11 September 2014 at 16:14 , Anonymous Jessa @ Sparkle said...

Thank you for sharing your pain. I hope writing it out helps.

 
At 11 September 2014 at 18:17 , Blogger Jessica Doll @ Team Wiking said...

I'm not sure what happened but I'm glad you are pulling through and focusing on making yourself happy.

 
At 11 September 2014 at 18:29 , Blogger Kendall Rayburn said...

Everyone makes mistakes - just remember what makes you happy! That's okay!

 
At 11 September 2014 at 20:01 , Blogger Maryann said...

I think you have the right attitude. Persevere-- Brighter days will be ahead.

 
At 12 September 2014 at 19:43 , Blogger JoAnn said...

It's hard to maintain a happy front all the time. Definitely allow yourself this time to be selfish. You need it :-)

 
At 13 September 2014 at 04:41 , Anonymous Cam | Bibs and Baubles said...

Not wrong at all. You have to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you can help anybody else. Take care of you!

 
At 13 September 2014 at 06:01 , Blogger Liv Love said...

I"m all for living for you and find happiness on your own terms. I'm also all for releasing weighty people, in the sense that if relationships aren't mutual I can't carry the weight of the full relationship! Continue express yourself and find all kinds of outlets to do so! That's my thing! it helped me! Keep sharing!!

 
At 13 September 2014 at 16:51 , Blogger Raewyn @ Be A Warrior Queen said...

Girl if there is something I've learned with my anxiety disorder, it's that you gotta feel the emotions as they come! Choosing happiness is important, but allowing yourself the emotional freedom to cry when you feel upset or despair - even if it's in a public place or you're crying for reasons you don't know - that release is going to help you feel better and choose true happiness more often - instead of a facade of happiness! I wish you the best of luck and know that we are all here for you!!

 
At 13 September 2014 at 20:59 , Blogger Ayana said...

Continue to write, continue to express those feelings. Because, although you might still have to walk through the hardships, God will not give you more than you can bare. This too shall move on.


Thrifting Diva
www.thriftingdiva.com

 
At 13 September 2014 at 22:07 , Blogger Miranda Myrabev said...

Thank you Raewyn I appreciate that

 
At 13 September 2014 at 22:08 , Blogger Miranda Myrabev said...

Thank you I needed that x

 
At 13 September 2014 at 22:08 , Blogger Miranda Myrabev said...

That is so true

 
At 13 September 2014 at 22:09 , Blogger Miranda Myrabev said...

Thank you x

 
At 13 September 2014 at 22:09 , Blogger Miranda Myrabev said...

I will Ayana thanks

 
At 16 September 2014 at 00:57 , Blogger Chelsea Olivia said...

I think the world would work a lot better if we all lived for ourselves instead of feeling we need to serve other people's wants and needs. Living for yourself makes you happy.. and a world full of happy people would be great :)

 
At 16 September 2014 at 19:58 , Blogger Alice Johnson said...

from what I've read from your blog so far, you're a joyful person and I'm sorry you feel this way. life can be so hard at times and I hope you find your way through this soon, these things always make us stronger people on the other side.

 
At 17 September 2014 at 03:05 , Blogger Jennifer Pilgrim said...

Good for you for being so candid and real! Keep living life for YOU, after all life is short!

 
At 29 October 2014 at 20:30 , Blogger Miranda Myrabev said...

Thank you Fiona, I appreciate that

 
At 29 October 2014 at 20:30 , Blogger Miranda Myrabev said...

Thanks Amby x

 
At 29 October 2014 at 20:31 , Blogger Miranda Myrabev said...

awww thaks Katie x

 
At 29 October 2014 at 20:31 , Blogger Miranda Myrabev said...

Thanks

 
At 29 October 2014 at 20:31 , Blogger Miranda Myrabev said...

Thank you Alice

 

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