When are are born and start to grow we live by the words of our guardians, our guardian's word is mightier than king Arthur's sword. As a child we have short attention span so when we asked our guardian for something and they said they would do it then they do not we were hurt and confused but then before the day ends we had forgotten or moved on to the next thing. This is the life of a kid and I honestly want to say I miss this time, not caring much about the hurt and the pain but moving on because that's life, sh*t happens, we learn, we feel pain and we grow (hopefully).
Living as an adult things take a different turn, now when someone says they will do something and they don't well we already know that life sucks and you move on but when whether said or not and they do something unexpected it's like Christmas every day. As we grow older we develop ways to deal with disappointment better than when we were kids. We start to form barriers when people hurt us or take us for granted, and I think this is the part where as my friends says 'things go tits up'.
I will be honest and say in the last 10 years of my life I have held more grudges than I can to remember. Though I held grudges I also forgot about then until someone reminded me of them and then I am back to holding grudges. It is tiring, it is time consuming and it takes so much of my head space that it can make you spin. I am tired of it and I have made a decision to change this.
Though I have made a decision I know its not like a switch that I can switch on/off but it is something that will take time for me to learn and to heal.
I love my life and everything in it, I appreciate the hurt I have experienced in my life as I have first hand knowledge of what it is that can destroy me.
I realised life is too short to hold grudges and even shorter to hold onto unhappiness. I always say happiness is a choice and one that I choose for me and that has not changed.
Labels: Personal confessions