Hi there and welcome to another round of my personal confessions. Today's confession is based on my current thoughts and what I am trying to get rid of in my thought process but as you may well know it's not easy. Last night I decided to check out a few close friends and some long time friends as well as family friends. In the process of doing that I found myself comparing my self to all these people and not once did I think I was better than them by circumstance or by position I felt really lacking in so many areas.
I have always spoken about the plan that I had growing up in Zambia as a child. I remember telling my mother the following:
1) I will finish school and do a nursing diploma (back home it's diploma not degree)
2) I will get married right after finishing my nursing course and by
3) age 23 I will have my first child just like you did mummy ( forgot to factor in that by that time she owned her home and had great income plus back then things were different).
I wanted and still do want to follow in my mother's footsteps but of my three promises above I did only one. I
1) Finished school, went to university and became a pharmacologist (not a nurse can't stand needles)
2) I haven't gotten married (yet) but am not rushing.
3) I am 27 and no where near having kids (by choice).
I realised back then those were my options and my goals and they ain't bad goals either but when we moved to the UK the play ground changed and so did my goals.
So if I understand this and have no regrets why then do (or did) I feel very inadequate when I went on fb and saw what I saw. Yes I would very much like to get married and yes I would very much like to have kids but one thing I really have to keep reminding myself of is " it's all in good time, God's time". I will not lie to you, I do have moments were even though I am a preachers child and a child of God I still have my moments of doubt of confliction of sorrow and at times I do feel defeated but one thing I do have in abundance is hope.
I do not know if God has a husband and kids in my future but I do know whatever he has for me I will have a blast with it. My advice to my readers and friends: don't compare or wish you had what your friends have "you do not know what they gave up to have what they have" " you do not know the pain and suffering beyond that smile". I know it's easy to say be happy with what you have but I also know it's hard. All we can ever do in this life is trust in God and try your best at this thing called life.
Labels: Personal confessions