Relationship Advice - Part 3: The Cheating cul-de-sac

Welcome to my relationship advice series, today I thought I cover cheating yes you heard right cheating. Over the weekend I was reading the weekly Best magazine when I came across several posts on cheating and the cheating mostly done by men. The one that caught my attention was where 4 women friends who lived in same cul-de-sac all experienced being cheated on by their spouses. And 3 out of 4 of these women were left and divorced by their spouses, this was just too surreal for me. I felt so sorry for these women and I just thought right we need to discuss this issue which is no stranger to us all.

This was a magazine caption on these ladies not me, please do not misquote me.

Personal view & Experience:

I used to believe and mostly still do believe that when a partner cheats it's because something has changed in a relationship. I always hear men are visual creatures but so are women but you don't see us jumping and pouncing upon every cute man that passes our way. I will confess that I came to a point where I wanted to cheat but obviously good sense got in before I could take cheating on its offer. I went through a patch where I felt I was not wanted in my relationship, I felt like I wasn't sexy enough and granted I have changed over the years a I have put a stone on since we started dating 6 years ago. This emotions were so strong that when a guy who was not my man who was not bad looking and who was giving me the attention I thought I didn't have I was more than flattered I was given another boost in confidence so much that I was tempted to pursue this and see where it could go but like I said good sense won. So you see though you can be vulnerable this can be overcome by pure determination and belief in yourself and what you got. 

Relationship experts:

"Men are visual creatures, if you let yourself go or stop doing something in a relationship you used to do in the beginning you risk your man cheating on you because you sold him a false dream"

"I cheated on my partner because i was not given the same attention I gave to my partner, I was more alone in a relationship than a single person"

"Let's not just blame the cheater, think about why the cheater cheated on you! What changed?"

These are some of the relationship expert opinions have heard over the years from my own personal experience and from seeing my friends who have had partners cheat on them I believe sometimes it's 50/50. I believe in this day and age if you sell a certain dream to your prospective partner and then couple years down the road it disappears you risk partners cheating, don't get me wrong I am not saying cheating is acceptable because it's not but you have to remember it takes 2 to tangle. Sometimes we need to ask ourselves what didn't we do for the relationship? If it turns out the cheater was just a douche bag then you good, move on and have a drink on me because people! You deserve better. But if this is a two way street then you need to sit down and analyse this. Your family and friends will tell you his/she not worth it and they maybe right but ultimately the decision is yours plus remember when have said their peace and gone to sleep, you're alone with your thoughts and you cry alone or hurt alone. I believe in all situations do what's right for you and not the world. Always wanting to follow the world at what should be what will not bring you happiness, you following you will bring you happiness. Do not be a people pleaser in these situations be the selfish person you can be to be happy.

What do you my lovely's think? Should you forgive a cheater or should you just kick them to the kerb?

{Health} Reasons to love your oily skin

For as long as I can remember I have always had the love/hate relationship with my oily face. I remember one of my older cousins teasing me ‘M’s face is so oily you could fry an egg or two on it’, since then I have always wanted to find products that would reduce the oiliness of my face but up to now nothing has worked. They say if you can’t beat them join them so I am taking the approach though a little bit different, I have decided to embrace my oiliness and make it work for me. After doing some research (googled) I found the following 5 (reasons) advantages and disadvantages of having oily skin.

Advantages:

- Younger looking: who doesn’t love to look younger?

- Slow to age: All that oil secreted slows the ageing process

- Softer skin: My face skin is naturally softer and am told that’s because of the oil I secrete

- Stronger/thicker - against environmental damage <- this is just added bonus

- Low maintenance – my face doesn’t require much to look good so I am blessed in that respect.

Disadvantages:

- Shiny face: As annoying as it is I am thankful for it, looking at my 50 year old mother who doesn't look a year older than 21 is great.

- Clogged pores - leads to high risk of acne, very fortunate I do not have acne or ever suffered from it but to make sure it does not catch me in the future I have invested in maintenance of my face. I now have the Derma roller, Vitamin c face serum and the latest addition the Soniclear.

What type of skin are you? Oily, dry or combination?

Your weight-loss Plan Link Party ~ #2

This is journey has been long overdue, I keep starting and stopping I just have no more motivation and as a self-proclaimed motivator I am lacking in that department. So much has happened and so much is going on that weight seems to one week be falling off like old clothes and the next is holding on tighter than a leech. I do not know where to to begin as I seem to be taking 5 steps forward and 15 back and that's really demotivating. So what am I going to do about it? Am I going to see here and feel sorry for myself? That's negatory staff Sargent, I am getting off my ass and doing some exercise and I don't care how "some" so long as I get in any useful exercise I am happy.

So here is the goal and the plan to help me reach that goal!

Goal --> Go back to size 10 (flat with no extras)

Plan

• Healthy eating --> This is easier said than done but I have a solution. I rent a room in a family house and I do not feel comfortable cooking and I only eat cooked meals when I see my parents over the weekend so instead I buy ready meals which I microwave at work (I don't eat at night). So I have now started buying "Healthier" meals from M&S and getting more vegan options than non-vegan (BTW I am not vegetarian). I have also decided to get my own place so I can get back to cooking and baking, I felt great over my weekend birthday baking a cake after a 2 year hiatus.
• Exercise --> I like the idea of exercise from the comfort of my own place in this case my room but it is too small and I am limited to the exercises I do. But with prospect of a new place I can do more exercises without fearing I will make too much noise if I try to jump.
• Drinking water --> To many people this is so easy to me this is so hard, I just find it so hard to drink water. The water I drink is either flavoured or in some sort of juice or tea never just plain water as the taste brings back memories of when I had malaria and had to drink quinine with nothing but water and the taste is just revolting makes me shiver even now.
• Resting --> This again to some may sound weird but when you got insomnia its not that far fetched, when I finish work (9-5) I get to my place respond to person e-mails|blog|watch TV| then by 9:30/10pm I switch off everything and it's time for bed. Most times I sleep fine from 10pm till 5am but other time 3 hours is enough for my body but not for me. I want to stay in bed a little longer which I do but with eyes wide open. Most times I am up by 3am do all the recommended to go to sleep and nothing happens so I blog until I fall asleep but thats usually 5 minutes before my alarm which I hear quite clearly so I just get up shower and go to work. Spend my 8hours and back like a zombie sleep another 3 hours and again the cycle begins. Now I am used to it and make use of that time, reading, blogging and now exercising. 

This is my plan for losing weight and reaching my goal, link up below and share your plan. Share as many posts as you want

{Guest Post - Dharia from Dharia's Closet} Confessions from a Recovered Patient from Eating Disorders

Hello Guys&Dolls, some of you are coming from my other blog AJD to finish this emotionally wonderful story.

******************************

To this day, she has no clue I got sick. After a while, I actually got fed up of what was going on with me, I was not dating the boyfriend I mentioned any more, and I said to myself “This has to stop”. So I went totally on my own to therapy this time, that I combined with a nutriologist therapy (with a special diet), and exercise (ballet and contemporary, but giving classes). So, from 64 I went to 48 in around a year, without throwing up one single time, and, accepting myself even more. The psychologist took forever to make me understand I was not ever gonna weigh 42 kilos ever again because my metabolism has changed, and of course, I am not 18 anymore, and she taught me many things, that is what I wanna point out in here. No matter how much I weigh (I am now between 48 and 50 depending on my lifestyle).

I am always gonna look fat to myself, but I’ve learned to love that. Some people think I am pretty and that I have a gorgeous body (their words, not mine), so, maybe not all of them are wrong, and I’ve learned that the “fatness” is an illusion, and even if I was, that doesn’t make me unworthy or ugly, so, whenever I gain a little bit of weight, I start taking care of my diet, eating a lot of salads, and of course, exercising, and thats a way I keep myself healthy. The will to throw up, is constantly there, but I fight with it, and I feel very proud each time I have avoided it for the past years, like alcoholics, one day at the time. I have a nice interior: I am a person full of love, and I love to give it to my family, my friends, all the animals, and I also try to cultivate myself every day a little bit. That’s a good thing. Even if I was “fat” that would not go away. I have a man that loves me and I’m sure he sees in me way much more qualities than I do, and if he does, I’m sure I have more nice things than just a body or a face. I dedicate more time to my friends and family now, because they are the people who love me and see good things in me, and I’m sure they would still be with me even if I was “fat”, so, I am less selfish because every person has something nice to show you and teach you.
I take a lot of care of my appearance without being a freak: Nice makeup, hair and clothes, always make me feel more secure, and especially if my outfit is funky, probably the people will look more at it instead of examining my body (I know they don’t, but that’s the way you think sometimes). I’ve found hobbies that are good for me but at the same time keep me away from thinking too much in fake complexes: painting, photography, and writing. I avoid long long times in front of the mirror because if I do that, instead of seeing the good things, I’m gonna concentrate in defects (that everybody has, I know, but after having an eating disorder) the tiniest thing can cause a catastrophe. I’ve talked about it with my closest friends, and they’ve always show me support. And finally: I’ve learnt to love myself for what I am as a person, and not depending on the acceptance of the others. This is the longest process, but every day something good happens, a lick on the face of my dog, a nice breakfast someone makes to me, finding a coin on the street, and then I say “hey, I am OK, I deserve this things!” Still a long way to go, but I am also proud of myself of recovering.
 Remember:
You are, you are, and yes, you are beautiful. We ALL are in a way or another, and you are blessed with life. Life is too short to spend it suffering in all the things you are not or you don’t have. It is better to spend it enjoying every single moment, share the moments, when possible, and believe that you are good enough to receive all the good things you have in it. Everybody is different and that is what makes us beautiful. Black, white, brown, yellow skin, Asian, Latin, African, European or mixed features, eyes in all colors, all kinds of bodies: curvy, plump, skinny, sandclock. If you spend your life trying to achieve something you are not (Like Natalia Vodianova looks) you will never be happy, and there is something in you, that always stands out: Your eyes, your hair, your style, your sense of humor, your body. But WE CAN’T HAVE IT ALL. Be happy with what you have, and feel thankful for it. After all, if we were all Natalia Vodianova, there would be no fun! Spoil yourself: you deserve it, and it will make you feel special. You can treat yourself to a bubble bath, an ice cream, a walk on the park, a glass of wine. Something that helps me also is to feel sexy (not slutty). A nice v cut every now and then, nice underwear, heels. Probably no one will notice, but you will feel good.

 Smile, enjoy, and love yourself!

Thank you for reading my good friend's story, if you would like to know more about her please check out her blog (Dharia's closet) she features a lot of people from other countries.

Myrabev.

Thank you for reading my blog, please take a moment to give me your feedback.

Tunesday Currently

Hi there! it's another 4-day week for me and this Friday I am off to Munich for 4-days (it's a theme 4-days lol). Today's post is one of my favorites, I have combined the Tunesday and the Currently post as I am too excited and so ready for this family getaway, so without further adue.

Reading ~ At present nothing yet and I am holding them off for the flights/car rides to and from Holiday but the secret book I will be reading is all ROMANCE and SHAPE-SHIFTERs lol.

Writing ~ As many of you now know I scheduled 90% of my posts (this one included) as with my 9-5 job too busy to blog daily but I want to share my material daily with you my very loving readers. I have written or have guest posts scheduled for 3 weeks (my three weeks ends Friday 13th June).

Listening ~ As I write this blog post, I am listening to "Is this thing on ~ By P!NK". As I have voiced before I absolutely love P!NK one day hope to see her in concert.

Thinking ~ about how my life has changed in the last 10 years, I will be 27 next month of that have spent 12years in UK. I will say my views/opinions and thoughts on so many things has changed and altered by my life experiences.

Smelling ~ The Earth, it just finished raining and I have my window open for some fresh air so hot here.

Wishing ~ I was 21 again, only because that time I had something special that I should have kept special eye on and nurtured.

Hoping ~ I will not make the same mistakes again, hope I learn from my experiences and not regret anything. Don't get me wrong I am not regretting my life just some decisions.

Wearing ~ Onsie PJ that were bought for me, I think they need a wash but I can't bring myself to sleeping without them.

Loving ~ My job, friends, family all things important to me.

Wanting ~ To book my Holiday to Zambia/Malawi on same plane as a friend, need them long chats

Needing ~ To understand how it happened and were it went wrong.

Feeling ~ Emotions are all over the place but I am happy regardless and that's more important.

Clicking ~ these blogs have me clicking away daily Amberly & Joe, Fiona's DollyDowise and obviously my own blog too AJD.

So that's my Tunesday Currently for you, what are you up to?

TunesDay ~ Let me get this right

Hi there! Welcome to my Tunesday series, in this series I aim to share with you some songs that I am currently into or reminiscing on. I usually listen to songs that reflect my mood or my then current situation. I hope you  join in and share with me your "current" song love every Tuesday.

1. As I write this I am listening to "Let me get this right ~ By NE-YO". I just love every single word in this song and I want to hear from soon hint hint lol. I love 90% of NE-YO's songs so this is nobrainer but this is extra special.

2. Last week at work I decided to listen to "Truth about love" album by P!NK and this song came up at the shuffle "Beam me up ~ By P!NK" - this song brought me to tears, it dipictated exactly my mood that day and now I listen to it every day till I tire of it.

3. Good Old Days - this song has me missing some good old days I had with a special someone. I love this song also by P!NK, the words especially if you can relate makes a song that extra special.

Which one of my three songs is your favourite? Do you have a song at the moment that you can't get out of your mind?

**DON'T FORGET TWO GIVEAWAYS ONGOING ON THIS BLOG**

Week 10: Pink Pimping me out!!

Hand cream
Body mist
Shampoo

Cherish Pink Perfume
Body mist
Face mask
Baby lotion
Palmolive conditioner
Dr. Miracle's Neutralising shampoo

Hello peeps!! So today I have come to  share with you my bathroom pimping ways, like most people I like  to pimp my bath times because I am more of a shower person than bath. I have listed the products  I use above so wont list them below. I don't do face masks but this time I needed to go the whole way. What's you bath pimping like?

Week 9: Happy Belated Anniversary

Hello my lovely guys&dolls, firstly I would like to apologise to my readers for being MIA for the last two weeks and not really putting my heart and soul into my blogs. So many things have happened in my life that I can not share with you my readers but do not despair as God is looking after me.

Embracing the afro in 2014

Anyway back to today's post, my partner and I celebrated 6 years on sunday 19th and let me tell you it has been the best 6 years of my life and I cant wait to see what God has got planned for us for our future. Most of you know our story but if not check it out here, I can not believe how far we have come because we still treat each other and feel like we still in our honeymoon phase which is a wonderful feeling.

Cambride, UK

Before I met my partner I had dated some guys who made me feel bad about my self and I didnt appreciate myself enough, it took a while before I was comfortable in my own skin. I am so grateful that I had a chance to kiss a few frogs before I found my partner because I appreciate my partner more. I think he came into my life at the right time not too late or too early just at the right time.

I am blessed to have what I have and to be where I am right now in my life, I am so excited about the next phase Marriage...Kids...etc and I pray I will get to experience this with my partner who has brought so much into my life and I am eternally grateful.

Do not get me wrong not everyday is perfect but its what we do about it and how hard we fight to get together that makes all the difference in the world. My advice to anyone is pray for you,your family/partner then your relationship. Always get God's opinion on this in your life, on sunday when we were at church the priest mentioned in the semmon that we all need "salt" in our lives to give us "flavour" and "tasteful" and God is the right kind of salt. This word stayed with me and my partner so much that  we were able to reflect on this for our relationship and I am happy we started our anniversary with a visit to the good lord's house.

we spent the rest of the beautiful day walking around cambridge then dined at a Brazilian resturant to sit, eat, drink and reflect on where we've come from and plan where we going.

I finished the day off by inviting Bruno mars to my eyes and replayed "Treasure".

Thank you for reading my post, see youin my next one.

Week 7: Back to the Gym ~ Exercise Routine

New year New You they tell me! Well I am thinking New Year Old me but improved, as I stated in my previous post (found HERE) I refuse to set myself up to fail by setting resolutions. I started going to the gym last year October and though I relapsed during the festive holidays I only knew I was not giving up the gym because this year is a year of reckoning and I need to stay at my best.
Read more »

Week 1 - Personal Confessions: Oooops Moments!!!

Hello to you my Guys&Dolls? I hope you having a good start to week!!! happy Tuesday, so over the weekend I found myself reading a lot of magazines (Reveal, Best etc) I bought one of those 3 in a pack for price of one. I have never really been one to sit down and read an entire magazine but this gone weekend I did exactly just that I sat down and read all the stories and that's when I came across a short advert/confessions from women around the country (I assume).

The so called ooops moments has plagued me for the past month or more can't tell anymore, I can not for the life of me fathom why I am experiencing this. Firstly it started with me constantly visiting the little ladies room then when I was too busy at work I would forget until I felt a ooops happening. This has been really bothering me but at present I do not have the time to actually go and see a nurse so I did some research of my own and I am sure I fit perfectly in a couple of categories so now I will book some time off and go see a doctor or nurse.

I did my research using the National Kidney and Urologic Diseases Informstion Clearinghouse (NKUDIC) a mouth full I know but I wanted something accredited because as we all know self diagnosing is a big issue in this era. So this website said:

"Bladder control problems are something that happen not only when you get older but it can happen at all stages". 

The website went to describe the different types of bladder control problems -

* Temporary incontinence - it's in the name it's temporary and can be cured once cause is found.

* Stress incontinence - again it's in the name but this one is not caused by mental stress, the stress here is bladder stress e.g. Laughing too much, sneezing, coughing etc.

* Mixed incontinence - this could be a mix of the two above or other types

There many others that are listed, this site did not stop there but also listed some of the causes - 

* Medicine, alcohol, and caffeine - some medicines can relax your bladder nerves which keeps them from telling the brain that the bladder is full. Alcohol as we all know causes the nerves to fail where as caffeine causes the bladder to fill up more quickly.

* Excess weight - if you too fat for your body frame, this could leave to stress on your bladder leading to oops moments.

* Infection - this is usually the cause in most people, UTL can irritate the bladder nerves making them squeeze without any warning. <-- I think this is my current cause but I will check with my doctor.

There many ways to health reduce the ooops moments and some of those include limiting the number and types of drinks you drink at night, diet, weight loss etc but my favourite one is Pelvic Muscle Strengthening <-- this can be achieved by doing the Kegel Exercises.

Kegel exercises helps to strengthen the pelvic muscle without using any equipments and best part is once you learn how it's done you can do it anywhere but the catch is finding the right muscles to squeeze. It's suggested that after about 8 weeks of Kegel practice you should notice a difference in your frequency of urination.

Thank you for reading my blog, I signed up to try new Tena liners to help with my ooops moments. If you want to try them please visit: lightsbyTENA.co.uk you can also downloaded my pelvice floor fitness "MY PFF" App at lightsbyTENA.co.uk/my-pelvic-floor-fitness.

***Please note this is NOT a sponsored post***