::The Myrabev Life::

::The Myrabev Life::: March 2015

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Relationship Advice: The Elephant in the room

Hi there and welcome to another post in the relationship advice series, apologies I have not drafted one in almost 6months now let us just say life got in the way. I love giving relationship advice but I also know that I do not know everything, I have not experienced everything and that everyone's situation is not the same. How I react to a certain situation is probably not the same way you're going to respond. Please know my advice should not replace that of trained professionals for I can only give you advice from my point of view or from my personal experience.

Today's post is trying to cover the metaphorical elephant in the room and this can be anything for anyone. For me it could be, how much of the advice I give do I follow myself? For you it could be, when am I going to stop thinking of the worst thing happening in my relationship or when can I let go of the past and trust the future? All of these questions could come from one person or many people. To answer my own question, I follow almost a 100% of my own advice and I say almost a 100% perfect because I am human who is largely controlled by my emotions. So those times when I should have taken a deep breath and thought everything through I didn't I flew off the handle and caused a rift in my relationship. But I recognised this and started working on it. I always say the first step to solving a problem in a relationship is to accept that you both view things differently and therefore should work to see it from their point of view and evaluate how much your relationship is worth. I also advise that in every relationship both parties have to want to pull their weight and contribute to the relationship 50/50 otherwise one day the one doing most of the work will start to view it as a burden and that's where most ends start.

There are those of us who have been in bad relationships before in the past, but one thing we have to remember is that is the past and give the future relationship the benefit of the doubt. When what you think are signs of the old relationship start to come into the new first think about why and if you contributed to it. Discuss with your partner your concerns and not just think the past will repeat itself. If you see no change and your partner is not willing to change them maybe it's time to move on. I always say make sure you have given it your all and tried your very best before walking away because walking away with regrets is the worse kind of torture.

I am not saying I am perfect or that I have a perfect relationship but that I am willing to work for it as much as the other person. If the willingness is not their at first don't give up just yet, try carrying the load for both of you and if your partner wakes up to it and starts to help you're on the road to recovery but your partner doesn't then it's time to think about you selfishly. Loving yourself first is very important because then you can love others even more and give them your very best.


Saturday, March 28, 2015

Health & Exercise Monthly update ~ ONE

A few weeks ago I was minding my own business when I went to the bathroom to shower and noticed the landlord had bought a new weight scale. As you do when a scale is watching you, you step on it and see how much pain you can inflict though in the end you feel the pinch and not the weight. So I stepped up onto the scale because it challenged me to and the numbers that appeared kind of shocked me big time. My weight has always fluctuated between 65kilo and 70kilo but this particular saturday evening the scale said EIGHTY (too scared to write the number) kilo. I was really shocked, ok maybe I have kind of maybe just been (90% of the time) more lazy than usual and not burning off anything I am eating but come on it's only been like a year since I last stepped on a scale and I swear I was 70 Kilos then. So I decided to take off all the clothes and check the weight again and yup confirmation received in big letters 78 kilos which is essentially EIGHTY with clothes on but who's counting it's still EIGHTY. This to say the least has woken me up to my atrocious weight gain and I need to change big time. I have identified my problem..laziness..followed by it's first cousin..junk foods. I know my need to lose weight is not going to happen overnight but I can certainly start paving the way for when the weight will start to drop off. I also know that the weight will not drop off all by itself, so I did a bit of research and decided I need the T-25 exercise program with the shakeology to go alongside it. I have also decided to start running again at lunch time during my work week as I did back in the day. I intend to do it slowly, I am not looking for quick results but lasting ones. So let us look closely into the programs I am going to be trying out in April;


I have been reading a bit about this program and also watched a handful of YouTube videos that people who on the program have been sharing. 25 intense minutes doing different types of exercise and burn calories, gain muscle tone and lose weight. I have ordered the complete DVDs and can not wait for them to arrive so I can start the program.


I came across this concept from one of the YouTubers I watch, she kept talking about the shakeology program which came with tips on what means to have on each day and what shakes to have on what day, basically a 30 calendar with meals and shakes to have on each day. Since I do not eat dinner unless I am out with friends I have decided when the shakeology arrives that's what I will use as meal replacement instead of breakfast or lunch. I need brain power to function at work and do not want to interfere with my breakfast.


I am not the greatest runner around but I remember the feeling I got during and after running, once I started it I did enjoy it but I usually needed people to go with me but I have realised this is something I need to start doing alone slowly and maybe one day join a groups I see running.

Meal Planning

Most readers of this blog know I do meal planning every week, I started last year october when I made a decision to stop buying ready meals and ordering takeaway but cook my meals. Granted this year I have ordered dominos twice and thai food once but still I would rather cook than order pizza. Every week I cook a big pot of whatever meat I want and then only change up the sides. Sometimes I will have with salad or rice or pasta or even by itself especially if the meat has potatoes and carrot in it.


Those who know me know I really don't like drinking water, I will drink any flavoured water you give me but I scrunch my nose when it's normal water. I do not know why but ever since we moved to the UK over 10 years ago now I absolutely disliked drinking water and since then I would avoid drinking water at all cost unless it was flavoured, in a juice or other beverage. When I was shopping for running water bottles I came across infuser water bottles and I knew my prayers had been answered. I quickly purchased an infuser bottle on amazon and requested for next day delivery. I has some strawberries and raspberries with me so I decided to bottle my new bottle to the test, let me say after 10-15 minutes of waiting for the water and fruits to infuse it did taste like the fruits though not sweet which is fine. I can now say I actually drink water. The bottle is 800ml so it's quite big and I love it.

Gym wear

Last month when I was visiting Boo we went shopping and he picked me up some nice work-out gear which I am eager to try out next week. The only thing that was missing were trainers and I had wanted trainers that were soft and comfortable and will support me when running of the roads. I picked up some AIR trainers from amazon with next day delivery. When they arrived I quickly put them on and put them to work -just walking not running yet. They are very comfortable and they breath too, I love the colour and how they make my feet feel which is awesome. I can not wait to have a run next week and see how well they work.

I have set myself high expectations but I know it will not be easy to achieve the results I want. So working hard, eating right and staying motivated is the rule.

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Friday, March 20, 2015

Top FIVE (5) Friday

Hi there! It's been a while and this place is slowing turning into a ghost town, life is pretty hectic these days that when weekends come I just want (and usually do) lazy all day and do nothing apart from the occasional date nights at Sizz All with Boo. The last Top 5 Friday was month exactly today, I mentioned that I had had some awesome things happen that I wanted to keep to myself for a while and then share on here later on, well the wait is over as 'Later on' is today. So without further adieu...
  1. Lovely Letters February Swap  - Last month I participated in the lovely letters snail mail and I was partnered with Uche a blogger in the states. I recently got the parcel she sent me and I could not believe my eyes. I absolutely fell in love with The Little Book of Love she sent me along with the chopsticks which have an awesome design as well as a beautiful purse and card. 
  2. Citizenship - Last month I attended my citizenship ceremony accompanied by my parents. As part of my goals for this year I decided to give up my Zed citizenship and become British since Zed does not do dual nationality. It was emotional time but an awesome one too.
  3. New Home - I have talked about my desire to have my own apartment, I am now tired of house share and just want my own place. The prices are not making it easy but I am taking the plunge fingers crossed I get the one I want.
  4. 30 Before 30 Bucketlist - Last week on A July Dreamer I shared with you my part 1 (Travel Edit) of my 30 before 30 bucket list, I shared 15 places I want to visit before I turn 30. Today on the main blog I am sharing 15 things I want to do before I hit 30, I have called it the Life Edit.
  5. The Lovely Bloggers Facebook group - almost a year ago I decided to start a facebook group with a fellow blogger to try bring together blogger who lived in a certain area. I did not do much after that until recently after doing my Blogger DIY posts I got good feedback and decided to change the parameters of the group and renamed it to The Lovely bloggers. We now have almost a 100 members which is awesome for me and the interaction in the group is awesome. Come join us and be part of our blogger support group. The group has daily comment and fb like thread and weekly follow 4 follow threads plus on Thursday we run a clarity day where we offer fellow bloggers who want it advice on their blog.
Wishing you all an awesome Friday and weekend.

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Monday, March 16, 2015

{Book Review} Every Woman needs a wife

The first time I came across this book was a quick glimpse on the blogsphere, it's been almost a year now and it was only last week that I decided to purchase the book on Kindle and read it as I was very intrigued. The book is so thought provoking and makes you question if the there is some truth to it, the author has declared it all to be a work of fiction but once you've read the book you start to question if there is some truth to it.
Brandi is a mother of two, a wife and a co-business owner who has been married to her husband for over 11 years. Vernon is Brandi's husband, a man who has been living under his father's shadow and trying to get his father's approval and acknowledgement in the way he chose to live his life. Tanya is Vernon's mistress of 2 years, she believes vernon is a widow with two kids and runs company alone not knowing it's a lie.

They say when a woman (even a man) start to suspect another party in the relationship is involved 9/10 its always the case, sometimes we try to ignore what's in front of us because it's best not to know, we happy and comfortable where we are and do not want anything to change.

The book starts out with Brandi in the car outside the mistress' house with the unsuspecting husband inside the house with the mistress. Brandi ponders over how she should handle the situation and the best way to do it or if she is crazy even considering what she has planned. Before she has chance to change her mind she matches up the door and knocks, the mistress opens and Brandi does not give her chance to open the door instead just enters and surprises her cheating husband who is so shocked about how ballz the woman in front of him is. Over the years he started to think of her as weak but not when it came to their business. The author really had me hooked from the moment Brandi enters the mistress' house, leaves and rushes home to throw an anniversary/separation/you've been caught party.

What will shock you when you read this book is the proposal that Brandi makes, once you read it you will laugh but it does give you pause for thought..well at least it did for me...

Brandi requests to have custody of the mistress, she says since her husband decided to add someone to their family and breaking their vows its only fair she gets to have the mistress for the same length of time that Vernon the husband has had her for. She argues the mistress can not just be serving one side when Brandi does it all, she wants the mistress to be cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids and just running the house in general (excluding the part about sleeping with the husband)... when you read on you will understand why Tanya the mistress accepts Brandi's offer, you will understand why when this went to court the judge agreed for Brandi to have custody of the mistress for the same length of time the husband did.

This is a must read book and once which definitely is up for discussion. If you've read it already let me know your thoughts.

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Sunday, March 08, 2015

Sunday Catch-up

Jamie's Italian restaurant oxford - Bacon & Liver

Pineapple & Frozen yoghurt dessert

Over the weekend I manage to meet up with my blogger Friend Jemma, I always love our meet ups and now that she has her lovely son Aiden its even better. He's so cute and such a lovely baby boy, his smile is so infectious I can't help but smile when I see them.

I telling Jemma how I seem to have lost my mojo when it comes to blogging. Previously I used to schedule posts 2-4 weeks in advance all written up and ready. I used to spend one weekend a month just planning our each day and scheduling for the days when I knew I wanted a specific post up and at times have two posts in one day, but now, you will be lucky to get two posts a week out of me. I am thinking of taking a couple of days off to recharge and maybe look for inspiration then. Do not get me wrong I do have ideas of what I want to write, the trouble comes when I actually have to start the post.

 In the past I used to write a post before I even had pictures now I seem to see a picture and have an idea of a post for it and if I am determined I do write the post there and then but lately I can have the picture and still not able to write a word. I need to find my way back to my love of blogging, I need to go back to my basics and realise again why I love blogging so much. So in the mean time I will share my currently post whilst I try to work on the future of my blogs.

Reading.. I have not read anything in over 3 months, I have read one book this year and those I am unhappy about this I do not seem to have the urge to find and read a new book.
Watching... I literally had to change the channel on the TV as I have no idea what was going on but funny thing happened - this morning I had the urge to watch Tangled then found its not on Netflix yet so they suggested my all time favourite which is Mulan. I watched Mulan this morning and this afternoon on channel 5 they showed Mulan the exact one I saw this morning so I just watched and started watching it again.
Listening... When I finished work on Friday I started listening to 'Lay you down' by Usher and the song is still stuck in my mind this instant. I have loved this long for the longest time, my former housemate can testify to it. I played it daily on repeat that she ended up hating it lol.
Wishing.. For so many things which I will not share yet but I will do one day.
Hoping... I hope Boo travels safely tomorrow, I am starting to hate the business trips but then again I love it when I get to go on mine.
Trusting... That all is handled as it should.
Planning... My next holiday abroad.

Until next time, have a lovely Sunday.

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Wednesday, March 04, 2015

Week 10: Personal Confessions ~ Debt is no small matter 6

The first time I ever decided to open up about my personal struggle with debt was last year in May. Though I had a plan in place of what I wanted to do, where I wanted to be around May this year and how I intended to get there I could not have foreseen how hard this process was going to be but also how much of an education, an experience this was going to be for me. One thing I do know for sure is this is one process I will not be repeating for years to come, I have sworn myself off debt. My boo always told me do not spend what you did not earn or do not have, at first I just thought he was annoying but 7 years on I realise it was trying to save me from this journey but sometimes I believe we need to experience something to truly believe the words of wisdom.

It's been over 3 months since I last shared an update on my financial state and my financial plan for 2015. Since we are long overdue I wanted to recap from the last 5 posts on Debt is no small matter then share my current plan and status.
In my first ever Debt is no small matter post, I shared how I got into debt and how I was going to get out of it. I laid out my plan as well as my new motto "If you don't have it don't spend it" - I am happy to say I have stayed true to my word and not once have I spent what I didn't have and by this I mean no loans and no more credit cards. After laying out my plan I went further and shared with you all the subscriptions & beauty boxes I was (then) currently preview to which I cancelled 90%. I am very proud of myself for not falling off the wagon with these because it was not easy but I knew my debt-free future was more important. In my third Debt is no small matter post I shared with you all how I was not able to reach my target of being Debt free by December 2014 due to family loses and my need to travel back home to Zambia after 12 years. Though with family loses and trips to plan I still managed to pay off 75% of my debt by December 2014, I then shared the true story on how I came into Debt and how much I was owing to begin with and the then current financial status. My last advice in 2014 of Debt is no small matter I spoke about my knowledge of money since I was young but my lack of will power even when I knew the consequences I guess I never just understood them fully.

It is so much easier to look down on people in debt when you have never been in debt or appreciate the struggle that some people go through. Most times people do just put themselves into debt because they want to live a certain lifestyle or want certain things in life and there is nothing wrong with wanting that. The wrong part comes when you start to live above your means and start to cause problems in families, relationships and friendships too. I am blessed to have a supportive unit and though I know most of the debt was not by choice (Tuition fee & rent) the other part was and I could have avoided it but then again I only now appreciate the situation after I have personally walked it. I know that if my only debt was my tuition fee and rent with my salary I would have been debt free after 3-6 months. I hope one day when I have kids I can teach my kids the best way how and hope they never fall into the same ditch that I did.

What I owed
What I owe
What I will owe come January 2015

The table above I shared last year october, I shared what I owed to begin with, how much I was owing at that point and how much I would be owing come January 2015. It's now March 2015 and I owe roughly £2,103.01, I am working on clearing this before the summer and I am very happy with my progress the future looks so bright.

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