Relationship Advice - Part 3: The Cheating cul-de-sac

Welcome to my relationship advice series, today I thought I cover cheating yes you heard right cheating. Over the weekend I was reading the weekly Best magazine when I came across several posts on cheating and the cheating mostly done by men. The one that caught my attention was where 4 women friends who lived in same cul-de-sac all experienced being cheated on by their spouses. And 3 out of 4 of these women were left and divorced by their spouses, this was just too surreal for me. I felt so sorry for these women and I just thought right we need to discuss this issue which is no stranger to us all.

This was a magazine caption on these ladies not me, please do not misquote me.

Personal view & Experience:

I used to believe and mostly still do believe that when a partner cheats it's because something has changed in a relationship. I always hear men are visual creatures but so are women but you don't see us jumping and pouncing upon every cute man that passes our way. I will confess that I came to a point where I wanted to cheat but obviously good sense got in before I could take cheating on its offer. I went through a patch where I felt I was not wanted in my relationship, I felt like I wasn't sexy enough and granted I have changed over the years a I have put a stone on since we started dating 6 years ago. This emotions were so strong that when a guy who was not my man who was not bad looking and who was giving me the attention I thought I didn't have I was more than flattered I was given another boost in confidence so much that I was tempted to pursue this and see where it could go but like I said good sense won. So you see though you can be vulnerable this can be overcome by pure determination and belief in yourself and what you got. 

Relationship experts:

"Men are visual creatures, if you let yourself go or stop doing something in a relationship you used to do in the beginning you risk your man cheating on you because you sold him a false dream"

"I cheated on my partner because i was not given the same attention I gave to my partner, I was more alone in a relationship than a single person"

"Let's not just blame the cheater, think about why the cheater cheated on you! What changed?"

These are some of the relationship expert opinions have heard over the years from my own personal experience and from seeing my friends who have had partners cheat on them I believe sometimes it's 50/50. I believe in this day and age if you sell a certain dream to your prospective partner and then couple years down the road it disappears you risk partners cheating, don't get me wrong I am not saying cheating is acceptable because it's not but you have to remember it takes 2 to tangle. Sometimes we need to ask ourselves what didn't we do for the relationship? If it turns out the cheater was just a douche bag then you good, move on and have a drink on me because people! You deserve better. But if this is a two way street then you need to sit down and analyse this. Your family and friends will tell you his/she not worth it and they maybe right but ultimately the decision is yours plus remember when have said their peace and gone to sleep, you're alone with your thoughts and you cry alone or hurt alone. I believe in all situations do what's right for you and not the world. Always wanting to follow the world at what should be what will not bring you happiness, you following you will bring you happiness. Do not be a people pleaser in these situations be the selfish person you can be to be happy.

What do you my lovely's think? Should you forgive a cheater or should you just kick them to the kerb?

Week 14: Relationship Advice ~ Trust

It's easier said than done but a relationship without trust is no relationship at all. I have learned first hand in past relationships that without trust you have nothing, your love will not last without trust because trust is the foundation and without a solid foundation your building will fall. You may ask why will it fall? Let's take this scenario:

"You find out that your partner had been cheating on you doesn't matter how long for but it has happened, most of us will often enough go for the self blame. What did I do or not do to make my partner cheat on me? I do not advocate cheating and I don't care your reasoning cheating is cheating plain and simple. Just because your partner don't give you what you want or need don't mean you get a free pass at cheating NO you DONT if your not happy and after talking about it nothing happens it's time to go so that once you free you can do what ever when ever. Now back to our scenario, after you forgive your partner and start feeling or know for a fact that you will never trust them again that's the time when the end or shall I say agony starts because:

1. Anytime they go out you start to imagine the worst
2. Anytime they talking to a friend on the phone you think something else
3. Every time they are late coming home or meeting up at agreed time you think something else

This is not and shall never be healthy, some of you might be saying I wouldn't even waste time thinking those things about my cheating partner but what you forgetting is you not thinking about them is also the end.

I will not claim to be an expert or even tell you how you should deal with it but I will share with you how I dealt with it in past relationships. Ladies that song by P!NK ~ blow me one last kiss! that speaks volume and I did it before pink sung it also Ceelo Green's cry baby ha!.I did the

1. I cried and died a little inside
2. I let go, I really had enough
3. I started to live my life, it's too short wasting on sh*t heads
4. I brought myself back into the dating world, I looked after and still do look after my happiness myself
5. I respect me first

So to end this unwarranted relationship advice post I wanted to say to you my readers, your priority should be number 1 = YOU, you are in charge of your own happiness. Until next time my lovelies, where ever you are happy day/night and blessings to God.